The Privilege of Kindness

Countless birthday candles and shooting stars,

I was raised to dream endlessly,

Believe that nothing was beyond the realms of possibility.

Perhaps that is what my love for stargazing was born of,

Opportunities to make wishes;

Stroll down the path of life without dismissals.

Growing up with everything you wish for,

Makes it mundane to want,

Ask a world taunted by needs, and anticipate it to grant.

Little did I know,

Of the long ways I had yet to go.

Little did I know,

Of the storm that had to pass before one could see the rainbow.

Life isn’t as pretty, as the poems claim it to be.

Life hadn’t been as kind to most, as it had been to me.

Most people are given less than they deserve.

And in the face of brutal inequality, they are expected to survive.

Those of you, with your pockets full of wishes,

Spare some for those who may need it more to go on.

The greatest thing you can do with the kindness you were shown,

Is send it forward to those, who haven’t had as many stars to wish upon.

© Abirami

When I was younger and I was faced with the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was never a career path that came to mind. To be good. That has always been the goal. And what is good? Who is a good person? There are so many different answers. But they all boil down to the idea of acceptance. A good person is someone who simply goes out of their way to avoid making someone else’s life harder. Will you be remembered as a good person if you’ve hurt the life of another? Well, it is human to err. So what is unequivocally good then? It is simply to try your best. To try your best to accept those who are different from you. To try your best to do right by your loved ones. To try your best to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and seek redemption. To be good, is to try. And try I will. I hope you do as well.

– The Obsessive Writer

Make Some Art for the Artist

What happens to art when it stops being for the artist? While the world loves a good crowd pleaser, we don’t really make room in our hearts for pretenders. I started writing – I don’t even know how many years ago. It was just, what I did.

“Oh that girl? Yeah, she writes on her blog and stuff”

When did I stop taking pride in being referred to that way?

When you’re good(well, subjectively speaking) at something, it is just expected that you make something out of it. You’re good at kicking things? you’re expected to try and eventually become a professional football player. You can stab something and watch it bleed without passing out? Maybe go study to be a surgeon then. In all seriousness, that’s what talent is: a conjuror of expectations. Both to the world and oneself. When these expectations are not satisfied, what IS talent, but a crippling burden? Do you know what’s worse than feeling talentless? It is knowing you’re good, but not good enough. Having flown so high, only to drop before you could taste the stars.

So I ended up studying to be an engineer. I learnt all those mathematical principles. I’ve got to put them to use somewhere, right? When you can’t find the solution to a complicated problem, you don’t always have to move forward. You can take a step back, move in a different direction, compare outcomes and go with the better alternative. Heard of backtracking, bitches? Sorry. I get defensive when the nerd comes out. So lets all take step back together. 1-2- cha cha- huh?

What if you don’t “fail”?. What if, you’re really good at something and make it in that scene? What if I’d become the greatest blogger in the world? Would that have guaranteed satisfaction? Would have I kept writing and loved every second of it? Wait a minute, success never had anything to do with why I started writing in the first place. I wrote because I loved to read; because writing is the best experience I’ve had at feeling; writing was breathing. And I’m guessing all the psychos who started stabbing when they were kids loved doing it later in life even if they weren’t doing it in operation theatres. This “expected outcome” was NEVER part of the experience. People who develop these so-called “talents”, most often do not really set out to do so. They were just doing what they loved, and had a natural competence for it or the desire to try.

I’m here, months, maybe years later, with my complete mental calibre and sense of humour intact, telling you to go do a bit of what you love, for you. Life’s really short and unpredictable as recent worldly events have reminded me. Regardless of how far you’ve come, regardless of what people think, make some art for the artist. Because who’s going to enjoy your work more than it’s ideal target audience? You.

-The Obsessive Writer.

Hope Is All Too Common An Ail

What’s going on with the world?

How is everybody at peace?

The depressed are sent to therapy,

But who make no sense are those that are happy.

Your unsuspecting well-wisher,

Wonder what they do, when you’re not around to hear.

Have you ever wondered what everybody thought?

The angel in your mind is someone else’s thot.

You ever try to make a change?

Made empty self promises to never be dubbed deranged?

You ever feel so proud?

Then watch your strength shatter as you’re shot down from that cloud?

Why try when you’re guaranteed to fail?

Hope is all too common an ail.

©️ Abirami

The Self Proclaimed Loner

Even the middle of a mob can be a lonely place

To a self proclaimed misunderstood soul

Do I not know what to say?

My words seem to reach their ears

But all meaning simply echoes away.

Do they live a life so different from mine?

We all feel, bleed and heal

But somehow I feel less important pain.

It’s funny how,

When you’re dealt a bad hand,

And you’re looking for someone to blame,

The first victim is always on the other side of a mirror.

Its tragic how,

You give your all to someone,

And receive nothing in return but shame,

The expectant fate of an obedient giver.

In this particular lonely corner of a crowded room,

I ask myself,

Can a soul be so misunderstood it doesn’t understand itself?

©️ Abirami

Afraid

Afraid to love;

It is a tremendous burden to bear,

To have somebody.

Afraid to lose,

It is a pain unlike any other,

The soul’s malady.

Happiness is a precarious possession,

To a heart soon to be destitute of love.

For there is a fate worse than death

To live, but never whole again for another breath.

©️ Abirami

Makeup Routine

Every morning like clock work

With the rise of dawn

Arises my need,

The need to cover up.

A few strokes of brushes,

A few dabs of paints,

When I’m done and look in the mirror,

I wonder,

What did I spend all this time covering up?

Imperfections or my identity?

Too bad they don’t make concealer for your personality.

©️ Abirami

ROSES

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This is my first attempt at digital art. Please let me know what you think! 😀 I couldn’t find a mouse so I had to make do with the touch pad of my laptop which is why the drawing is a bit trash.

Your feedback is much appreciated! Thank you 🙂

– The Obsessive Writer

King

Told me I needed no knight in shining armour,

Told me I wasn’t a damsel in distress.

He said,

Every day I’ll work on making your dreams come true,

And every night I’ll rule them.

What he didn’t have to say,

And I already knew,

Is that he is mine and I am his.

For better or for worse,

We will always be ours.

©️ Abirami.

Online – Episode #1

What do you use the internet for?

Starting from homework to passing time, we’re all a little too dependent when it comes to the World Wide Web. It has a different meaning in all our lives, at different stages. The vast majority mainly use it to learn or to entertain themselves. To some, it’s how they make their living like youtubers, bloggers and so many social media influencers. And then there are those who make it their life.

Logged on as – agirlwhodreams

January 20th, 2015 – It’s My Birthday

I LOVE MY LAPTOP SO MUCH!!!!! I LOVE MY DAD SO MUCH!!!!! Okay, everyone’s here for my party – xoxo.

2 – Responses

gamer8055 : Happy birthday!

edmforlife : It ain’t a partaay without some coke. Hit me up if you’re up for some real fun. 😉

January 25th, 2015 – Homework Sucks. School sucks. Life sucks.

Dear Diary teenagers on this subreddit,

I had a shit day at school. I have so much homework. Who cares why Phenanthrene is more stable than Benzene & Anthracene? My Chemistry teacher needs to get laid.

10 – Responses

gamer8055 : Lol

February 27th, 2015 – How does one get rid of a Parent?

My parents do not understand the concept of personal space. So I was talking to Jake in the parking. Yes. HE ACTUALLY SPOKE TO ME. But there’s too much going on for me to get excited about that. There I was explaining to him what we had to do for our mid-term paper, nervous as hell of saying something stupid to the cutest boy in school, and Mom pops out of nowhere. Why can’t she just wait in the car like all the other parents? She was all, “So yooooou’re the Jake, Melissa won’t stop talking about” I just shoved my head into my bag and stomped my way to the car.

50 – Responses

gamer8055 : Is he that cute?

austinXtyler : You should consider hypnosis. I’m taking a course online to deal with my parents.

demilover : I feel you!

March 15th, 2015 – I’m officially the luckiest girl on the planet. 

He asked me out! I’m not naming names or places. God help me if he ever read any of this. I’m officially dating!! *Does an embarrassing happy dance*

10 – Responses

delilahjones : *Joins in on the happy dancing*

thehipdad : Use protection.

March 24th, 2015 – Jimmy Choos or Louboutins?

Guys! My prom is in an hour. He’s on his way to pick me up and I’m freaking out! I need your help. Let’s have a quick poll please.

Choos – 35

Louboutins – 27

April 10th, 2015 – What do I get my boyfriend for his birthday?

How cute is it that our 1 month anniversary is the same day as his birthday? We are so meant to be.

13 – Responses

swiftie4life : Clothes? It will remind him of you every time he wears it.

Reply to swiftie4life : Thanks 🙂

thebroodedude : Condoms! 😀

Reply to thebroodedude – by gamer8055 : Get lost you perv.

April 15th, 2015 – I’m Dying.

I can’t get over his smile. I’m so happy, I’m dying. Today was amazing. I gave him a shirt. He said he loved it. That’s not all he said. He said.. He loved it, as much as he loves me. ME! I can’t believe he said it. I told him I loved him too. We talked a lot today. More than usual. I think I’ve crossed that phase of my life where I needed someone’s advice to know what I want. It’s simple. I want him. I’m going to focus on our relationship and school and all the amazing things in life I have going on, instead of wasting time on the internet. I feel like he’s the one. I know I’m only 16. I’ve dated like one boy so far and it’s him. Everyone’s gonna say I can’t possibly know if he’s the one, right now. And that’s fine. But I know what I feel. We’ll see what happens won’t we?  Waiting is easy. I’ll just get lost in his eyes in the mean time. – xoxo.

30 – Responses

swiftie4life : Told you the shirt would work! You’re welcome.

itsmehannah : Yay!! Mel and Jake 4eva ❤

Reply to itsmehannah : Hannah!! how did you find me? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Please don’t kill me for this.

December 10th, 2015 – Is my Boyfriend crazy?

I really need some advice. I feel so lost. My hands are literally shaking. I don’t even know if I can talk about this to anyone I know. We’ve been dating for almost year now. We’re only teenagers, yet we found ourselves talking about rings and how we’d spend our future together. We even applied to all the same colleges. I’ve been living a fairy tale until this happened.

So my classmate texted me asking if he could borrow my inflatable mattress for a camping trip and I told him it was fine. He came over to pick it up and we were in my room trying to bag up the mattress. My parents weren’t home and my boyfriend decided to surprise me with a visit at the same time and he just walked into my house to find us (me and my our classmate), in my bedroom.

He just lost it and started walking away. I tried to explain it to him, so i ran after him and got into his car. He wasn’t listening to reason at all. He was angry and saying things like he wanted to hit me and bash my skull in because that’s what I deserved. So I was about to just give up and get out of the car. Suddenly he just grabbed me and hugged me tight. Begging me not to leave. I still have bruises in both my arms from the way he held me.

After that a few days have passed and he’s apologised many times. He said he didn’t mean any of it and that he was just mad. I don’t know what to do. I still love him but I’m scared.

To be continued… 

© Abirami

Online – Episode #2

Love is a tricky thing. It’s either all or nothing. What do you call it when you feel something in between? It’s usually paired with heartache. The loss of a loved one can be devastating. To think, you can never see them again, or hear their voice. What about losing someone even though they’re very much alive? Physically they’re the same as they were yesterday. But in your heart, you know things have changed. That kind of loss, breaks you apart and leaves a taint in every memory.

Logged on as – agirlwhodreams

December 10th, 2015 – Is my Boyfriend crazy? 

2055 – Responses

jeanjeanette : I work in a hardware store and I’ve never seen this much nuts. Run while you can!

damnitsdanielle : you spelled ex-boyfriend wrong.

reply to damnitsdanielle by lilly_27black : Amen.

darksoulsmania : Dump.

kallisti_gold : If you have to ask, the answer is yes.

darkflamingo : You need therapy. Please get away from him.

juliejuke : Oh my god, Mel?

Alissa_kelly : Everyone at school needs to know how much of a jerk he is.

December 25th, 2015 – What’s your best experience with snow?

I love the snow. When I was little, my mom and I would come out and make snow angels. Our dog Scotch thought we were playing and he started rolling in the snow too! Except his angel didn’t look very angelic. And he sort of always messed up ours too by running all over it. I don’t know why I’m saying this. I guess all memories in life are a little messed up. And so are people. That’s what makes them real. Anyway, I wish you all a very merry Christmas!

30 – Responses

clevermuggle : I was borrowing my brother’s car to get the alcohols because I was the only sober one at the party. Pretty much the entire car was covered in frost and snow. I brushed it off the handle and got into the car. I went to turn on the interior lights so I can see where to put the keys. I accidentally hit the button for the sun_roof. Snow pours all over me. So in conclusion, fudge snow. There are no good experiences.

gamer8055 : You’re still with him, aren’t you?

December 27th, 2015 – How do I break up with my boyfriend?

I can’t take it anymore. I don’t even know how to give people space, let alone be able to use the space I’m given. It’s all too unlike me.

I still want him. Of course I do. I met him. I practically lived in his arms crying or just moping around for the past few days. It felt like I’d just be able to get over it and be with him. And he’s been amazing to me. Maybe even better than before. It’s silly that he’s the person I go to when I have a problem, even when HE is the problem. At the end of every day, when I’m alone and I cry myself to sleep, I know. Deep inside. I know it’s over.

My heart feels heavy every time I think about how much it will hurt him if I left. Whatever you might think, he loves me. We love each other to bits. But it’s gotten toxic lately. One of us needs to wake up and smell the shit. And it’s apparently me. I’m going to have to man up and do it.

*Comments Disabled*

December 30th, 2015 – Que Sera Sera.

All things are for the good. Or that’s what they say. I ended things with him today. But I have this strange feeling that we’ll always stay connected in a way no matter what. I never thought I’d be writing about my first love in the past tense. It’s the most predictable thing, yet no one sees it coming. I am was an optimist. What’s your excuse?

*Comments Disabled*

February 3rd, 2016 – I’m Moving in to my Dorm. Got any advice?

School’s in. And it’s in Europe!! 😀 I know. I’m psyched. I’ve always wanted to travel. This is my first step in trotting all over the globe. I’m going to be alone. And I’m going to be doing a lot of exploring! Please leave some suggestions in the comments if you have any.  I’m starting a fresh chapter this year. Happy new year to you all! I know I’m really really late. Tardiness is in fact my middle name. (Actually it’s Rae, if you care) But, better late than never!

11 – Responses

February 14th, 2016 – Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Happy Moving Day to me!!!

I’m here and it’s all happening. It is like having an pair of wings glued to my hands. I know I’m overreacting but this is my first real taste of freedom. Let’s go and explore the hell out of this place, shall we? London here I come.

67 – Responses

February 21st, 2016 – I never thought I’d say this, but English Lit sucks.

I was so excited to be finally studying something I thought I would enjoy. But then, life has a habit of throwing curveballs at me in the worst of times. My professor is a shit bag. Opinions are called opinions for a reason! It was my opinion. That’s what she asked for. And before the words even left my mouth, she was all, “WROOOONG!!!!”. Yeah whatever. And worst of all, she (I mean THEY) is this self proclaimed feminist who doesn’t let us use gender specific indicators. Which is Dumb.

30 – Responses

atomicpete : I’m pretty sure English Lit would suck no matter who taught it. Just saying..

jake6711 : Nerd alert! These girls gotta quit on this whining.

reply to jake6711 by agirlwhodreams : Piss off! Jerkwad.

*Comment Deleted*

March 5th, 2016 – A secret admirer – WHAT?

Okay I’m making it out to be way more flattering than it actually is. So, I’m on my way home. I was almost in the parking when I realise that I forgot my reading material for English Lit. I hustled back to my locker because I can’t have my ass of a professor handing my ass to me again in class. I got the book and I was about to leave, and that’s when I saw it. There was a note pinned to a picture of me on my locker. It said,

You caught my eye, then you stole my heart. How predictable!

98 – Responses

To be continued…

© Abirami