Dreaming Out Loud

A thought, that’s all it was.

Away it hid as soon as it came alive.

Every now and then you could see it, a frail silhouette in the dark.

Stealing glances out into an unknown spark.

Sometimes asking me, begging you, for a few words;

Words to set it free.

Words to wear so from the heart it can flee.

Making it out through the lips and into the wind with glee.

A mere feeling, that’s all it was.

Like the warmth of the sun or the chill of the rain.

An unspoken emotion, neither joy nor pain.

Simply reminding me, I exist;

Voyaging through new, lonely paths with moments of sunshine and mist.

© Abirami

This above all: to thine own self be true.

This was my entry to an essay contest. What do y’all think?

Introduction

The most important part of life, or its destiny, is truly understanding oneself and choosing the right path to progress in. That level of self-actualization can be attained only when you are true to your own self. This Shakespearean quote insists on the very same idea.

The importance of originality

All the 7 billion people in this world have different perspectives and desires. While everyone goes on about in this rat race to be the best, what they fail to realize is, being the best is less about comparing yourself to others but more about being the best you can be and utilizing your full potential.

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation

                      –         Herman Melville

Although it is easier to simply be another voice in the “brilliant” crowd, isn’t it simply better to have your own opinion? It would be a waste of intelligence to suppress your ideas out of fear of being judged. Possessing the grit and determination to voice your thoughts without any regard for the criticism it may bring is indeed a mammoth task. Perhaps that is why they say the brave are the most rewarded.

Another important thing to be noted is that there is a huge difference between being an original and being different. A clown most definitely stands out in a black and white ball, but that doesn’t make him the star of the evening. There’s a time and place for everything and everyone.

Our dreams make us

At school, besides Science and Math they also teach us to dream. Right from kindergarten we develop hopes and dreams of the person we’ll grow up to be. As children we possessed no deceit, it was just pure ambition and everyone only wanted to be what they really wanted to be. Then we grew up with the reality of the world closing in on us and our priorities changed. Now everyone only wants to be whom the people around them like. I think living life to please others, is an utter waste of potential.

Our dreams define us and who we can become. It is necessary to be true to ourselves and pursue our own interests for that is our destiny. Just because your dream is different from anyone else’s it doesn’t make it any less credible. The general perception that the common choice is the wiser choice is very flawed. All dreams are real and worth pursuing as long as they’re yours.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

                –         Robert Frost, The road not taken.

Self-esteem is a prized possession

The primary goal in our lives, whoever we are is to be liked, to have friends, to be appreciated and trusted. We develop our character, personality, etc. to be known and praised as excellent human beings. Sometimes, to achieve that adoration we tend to change ourselves. Little by little, we end up changing a lot and entirely become someone else. Acceptance is the first step to success. Only when you accept who you are and learn to love yourself, you can even dream of getting others to do so. I believe that there is something good and worth appreciating in every human being in this world. So, we should work on understanding ourselves and accepting who we are.

Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them

                    –         Albert Einstein.

Also, self-esteem and narcissism are two different things. People often mistake one for the other. Excessive pride and gloating never gets you anywhere. Besides respecting who you are, humility is another necessary possession. Life isn’t meant to be wasted in underestimating ourselves nor in exaggerating our capabilities. Believe in yourself and be truthful. You are your best critic.

My experiments with truth

I take pride in being myself and letting my work reflect who I am. I think it is even right to say that being myself is my only choice because everyone else is already taken. As of now, I’m the 12th grade which I am told is the deciding year of a student’s future. I see everyone around me, my friends putting in their very best to achieve their goals. I see pure dedication and hard work, all with its own purpose. The most important decision we’ll be making this year is a career choice. All those childhood dreams, this is where we sort out what is our destiny and what goes into the trash.

I, personally, have made up my mind to choose based on one sole factor and that is, what I want. I don’t think it is fair to simply spend my whole life pursuing a career just for the money or the society’s opinion. We are given only one chance to live and I intend on making the best of mine. At present Architecture is what I have found the passion for and if things work out that is one of the things I’ll be doing with my life. I also hope to be a published writer one day.

Conclusion

Truth is the first lesson of morality and consequentially being true to yourself is the moral way to live because, you set your own standards and work on staying true to them. It is important to understand yourself because only then you can hope to understand the rest of the world. Acceptance is the path of progress and accepting who you are is the first step down the lane. Your values and perspective are different from everyone else’s. Embrace them, and you embrace who you are.

True morality consists, not in following the beaten track, but in finding out the true path for ourselves and in fearlessly following it

                        –         Mahatma Gandhi.

Growin’ Up.

Early mornings, late nights and busy days is my whole life lately. Despite the hectic schedule I go on building castles in the air and dealing with every aspect of life as I used to, before. I was wrong to think this year would be all about school. Life is the same.. just a little faster. Things have gotten more serious. Life, school, people… relationships. Everyone cares lately. Even those wannabe hipsters. Human companionships seem more tolerable now. I guess this is why they call it growing UP.. everything’s getting well, deeper. 

Friends, I’ve always had ’em. I even have the best one in the whole world. However, not at school. It used to be just fake relationships. People I just had occasional fun with and gossipped to. I never really got along with girls. I never fit in as another small town girl. But lately there’s been a lot of bonding. Perhaps its the affection of having been together for so long or maybe it’s all the common ground we have. Regardless, people I never thought much of turned out to be my friends for real. I always liked life better when I had my “people” with me. Now that I know that a few are really MY people it’s actually even better. The fake people are still here. The bubble around me is still intact. I’m just not worried about it poppin’ no more. 

I find myself handling things so much easier. Control is like second nature to me lately. I’m no longer that impulsive little girl who was hell bent on making a point. But I’m still me. I still get furious enough to want to kill when enraged. I wake up from the same side of my bed. I still let my music decide my mood for the day. I still write my heart out. I still believe, hope, dream. In fact, with time, I just become a little more me. Perhaps with a little touch of diplomacy here and there. 😀 

When I remember all that people, obviously older people, and what they said about Growing up and how it complicates life and I think, what did they even mean? So far, growing up, for me has been legendary in every way. What’s anything without a challenge or a few complications? Through it all, I’m still standing, aren’t I? well, that’s as good as it gets! 

 

Change is Everything.

There are always those times in our lives where we just sit around doubting ourselves. Maybe you failed a test, let a patient die, or just simply make the wrong call at the wrong time. There’s no telling what sets the insecurities in motion, but we all go through it at one point of time. Being yourself is really important. What happens when being yourself conflicts with your own principles? You change. You “right your wrongs”. You keep your eyes wide open and stay vigilant to minimize all possible errors. If the ‘wrong’ is something you possess, you start working to change it, or lose it. Whatever suits you best. 

Change is everything. It is the course of life. In fact, it is life. We’d not exist if it weren’t for evolution. Among all the things that ‘change’ is, it is also bad. At least in my case. Changing the person you are at the very molecule of your being can be disastrous. What started out as a positive effort just ended up turning me into a sad person.

How do you know when you have to change yourself, when you can’t possibly say anything is right or wrong? The alternative would be listing out the pros and con’s, based on what overweighs what, you make your call. Well, that is at least what I did. As shocking as that MAY sound, yes, I’m not entirely pleased with myself. Nobody is. Some of us learn to make peace with it, some of us don’t and the unfortunate lot of us don’t really know enough to begin with. 

Originality, and being real always seemed more important to me than being liked. Like all good things in course of time that changed too. Nobody liked me and I wanted that to change. I was popular, I was adored, admired, I had people wanting to be me, but no one liked me. Maybe it was growing up, maybe it was all that I’d been through. I didn’t want to face the world alone anymore. I wanted that shoulder to lean on, you know? Well, I never wanted to face anything alone, but I was used to it. It was normal, crying myself to sleep, consoling myself, making my own happiness. I guess, being an only child of a broken marriage kind of teaches you all that. It was like, I’d done all my homework and it was time to relax and let go. I wanted someone else to take turns in making my life easier. 

For anything you want, you have to work. Work real hard, even give up something. To get people to like me, I had to change. The price was steep, but the merchandise was just too captivating to live without. I told myself that it was me becoming a better person. I swear to you, I have NO idea what that means, but I told myself that and it actually comforted me. A short temper, is a nasty little thing. No one likes a meany. I am a meany. It’s what I am more than anything else so it naturally was the first on the “has to go” list. I suppressed every surge of fury within me and put up a pretty little smile that had a serious effect on people. Oh, don’t even assume, I’ll never be the sweet little angel. People still think I’m a meany but just, a little less of one now. I tolerated idiots to the might of my will. As infuriating as that was, I told myself I was becoming a better person. 

I never shared. I was convinced that letting out too much gives people more room to make an idiot out of you and basically hold yourself against you. But you can’t make friends unless you share, can you? Away that went. I trusted people with personal things. Even though I knew telling them won’t change a thing, I just did, to let them know that I wanted to tell them. And then I bonded some more. Sharing is a very effective way to bond. There’s nothing that brings people together like sharing. I always spoke more than i listened. So I shut up and put my ears to good use. I’m not stupid, so I understood what they said and gave them a remarkably good response that I always knew I was capable of, it didn’t make me feel any better about myself but them on the other hand it helped. They wanted to talk to me more. Hence, more people. 

This went on and on and on, and now I have quite a LOT of people. People who need me often, so often that it tired me out. My play time after work, now feels like more homework. I now need a play time after my play time. That’s when it all went wrong. Everything that I did for everybody was apparently giving false hope. I was showing them something that didn’t exist. I care, but not that much. I’m nice, but not that nice. I understand, but not that well. I want to, but not that much. At those times where I take a break, everyone realizes it too. And what do they do? Blame me. For all the false hope. When you push yourself for someone, you create expectations. They’ll believe that you can always push harder. It’s that sad kind of ironic now. My ‘wrong’ itself was changing myself. It cost me a lot of happy days, too many unnecessary sacrifices. It end’s now. 

I’m grumpy every morning. I’m lazy. I won’t remember your birthday, I’m just naturally bad with dates. I won’t remember the important stuff you tell me because they may not be important to me. I don’t always explain myself, but you can tell me your problems. I enjoy being sarcastic no matter who it hurts or offends. I don’t know if I believe in God, but I pray. I don’t liked to be hugged, but I’ll hug you if I think I, or you need one. I won’t tell you my entire story, and I don’t care about yours. If you’re funny I’ll laugh, if I feel sorry for you I’ll laugh even when you’re not. I don’t want your opinion on my actions. I’m selfish. I’m diabolical. If you offend me, even unintentionally, I’ll make you regret it. I’m not polite. If you get on my bad side, annoying you will be my favorite hobby. Fairness means squat to me. I’ll do what I please. One day I’ll love you, another day I may not care. But I will always be there for you. There will be no one who can do it better than me. I’ll judge you. I judge your every move. I will always have an opinion but I won’t share it unless I have the necessity to. I’m unstable. My state of mind changes once in every fraction of a second. So, impressing me once, it is of no use. 

This is who I am, or at least a part of it. You want the whole story? you figure it out. All that I have to say is that I wont change. I’ll continue being me and dream of that person who accepts me for everything I am. I think you owe it to yourselves too. To continue being yourselves. Otherwise you’ll never know what YOU really are and what people think of that ‘you’. 

 

Happiness is a choice.

What makes you happy?

To me, that’s a simple question with several answers.

A cold breeze, nice weather, Zindagi Na milengi dobara (movie), vacation, kids, perfect songs in a row on shuffle, a fun holiday, any holiday, hanging with my people at school, a free period, a cute boy in the vicinity, being able to make someone else happy, a friend’s success, a nap on mom’s lap, fighting with a brother, spending time with my best friend, inside jokes, a new TBBT episode, watching Damon Salvatore on screen, a new Marvel movie, shopping, a good hair day, an A+ on a test, the lunch bell, a software update for my phone, poetry mood… and this goes on and on!

When a tiny little bump in the road is capable of bringing you down on a good day, then I think you should also allow the faintest glimmer light up your life in times of devastating darkness. It is only fair that you give happiness a chance too. There’s this thing my friend once said,

Life has many ways to bring you down, but remember the three things that will keep you strong: breakfast, lunch and dinner! 😀

Being a simple person does have its perks, doesn’t it? The world is a beautiful place when even the little things are capable of giving you happiness. This essentially is what I love about myself. I’m a happy person. My life is difficult just like the rest of you, sometimes even more difficult than you’d know, but I know how to keep myself going with a smile plastered on my face. The human mind is a fickle, fickle entity like I always say! Learning how to take advantage of our elusive state of mind might as well be your greatest talent. Fool that innocent heart of yours, distract it, even the hardest times in life will be easier to deal with. It’s ironic when I realize that these distractions from life become a huge part of life itself.

Running from our troubles don’t make them go away but drowning in them doesn’t make it easier either. Dealing with our problems and obsessing over the bad things that have happened are two different things. Take in the good things that happen to you no matter what is going on in the background. The little things in life are always the perfect relief to the bigger flaws and besides, missing out on your happiness just because you have a reason to be sad seems kind of idiotic. Forget all of life’s misery and take a deep breath for a second, look around. Even in the gutter, there shines a ray of light.

When you are down, take a walk, a long one perhaps. If your neighbour’s annoying dog wants to play fetch, give it a go! Laugh! when the silly kid next doors desperate attempts on stand up comedy. If the skies decide to rain on you, then let it drench you and wash your troubles away. Give the world a chance!

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light 

– Albus Dumbledore.

So all I’m trying to say is, quit fumbling in the dark and turn on the lights people! 🙂

The Teenage girl theory

Things happen at the most unexpected times don’t you think? On a lazy day you find an old Friends episode you haven’t watched yet; what you think is going to be a lame post turns out to be a huge hit; a lame day turns interesting and of course those momentary epiphanies you have while waiting for a download to complete or the oven to finish thawing last night’s left-overs. At times I get the feeling that I can even prove the origin of the universe if my half-asleep state lasts longer every night! It is like the universe is screaming at you that things happen only when you don’t try really hard, don’t you think?

Working hard is important. Dedication is the highway to reaching your destiny and blah blah blah. But then, that isn’t really the case in every situation. Sometimes trying too hard just ruins everything. I guess you can call it bad juju! 😀 When there are cases where wanting something so bad accelerates the process based on the whole noetic science idea from The Lost Symbol, there are also times when trying to hard ultimately just ruins our chances. How is that you ask? I’ve got two words for you: Reverse Psychology.

In ways the human mind is like a teenage girl. It is more attracted to what is hard to get. Like how the jock who doesn’t care is more attractive than the nerd who actually cares. I feel quite puny when I realize that our psyche is just a replay of every High-school movie ever made. :/ Yet, we can’t really help it, can we? We never really give a chance to the ones who try too hard. We title them as desperate and just get on with rejecting their request or whatever the case. I wonder if it is because we form this idea that the reason they try so hard is because they don’t really have what it takes in the first place and the’re just trying to cover it up. Again, the teenage girl theory applies here too. We confuse sincerity to the desperate loser who lies through his teeth to get the girl. I see it, I do, We have a serious problem with differentiating these two cases.

Another reason where the “hard work” backfires is because it really is just bad juju. I don’t have another explanation for that! There have been many times in my life where I’ve wanted things really bad. Sometimes I get them, sometimes I dont. There’s this one case where since the time I really wanted it, I just NEVER got it! I am the kind of girl who absolutely loves school. I’ve had a bit of a nomadic childhood but since the 6th grade I’ve been in the same school which I have learned to love now. I made friends that I enjoy the company of in class every day. I settled down with my solid reputation and everything in the 9th grade. Ya know? Around here they split students into different classes based on whatever order they wish because we all take the same classes anyway until the 11th grade.

Until my 10th I never really needed to have anyone’s company in particular, but after a tremendous year of fun and joy with my perfect classmates I wanted that to continue. Is that so bad? In my 10th grade I simply wanted to have my friends in my class. Guess what I got? A big fat nothing! I went around looking for my name in every class’s notice board. Zilch! Nada! Nil! no name, nowhere, in any of the classes where my friends were. They sorted me into a class with the kind of people I could never get along with. Utterly shallow and stupid, those are the two things I can never tolerate, and that was the company I had for a year!

After getting through that with good grades (thankfully) I got into 11th and I was very excited. Especially because I now get to choose my subjects at least to some extent and I knew that all of my friends were going to be taking the same course too. I was so sure that things would go write this time.. but then, it didn’t. Once again they managed to split me into the hell-hole. This time though I wasn’t going to shut up. I used my “power of speech and persuasion” to get my principal to put me in a different class. Thank God for my super powers. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. Now its summer here and in a matter of days I’m going to be in my 12th grade. What happens now? Oh yes. New class. AGAIN! the worst part is that my one time validity for my super powers are over. 😦 Maybe this whole post is just me wanting to subconsciously vent about this.

Even so my observation or rather musing is that, apparently even God or whatever the holy power is up there also works on the basis of this Teenage girl theory. It’s no wonder God made man in his image. I guess they forgot to mention the similarities in the attitude in the bible. 😀