Inside Out

I write away my sorrow

It is the only way I know.

Spilling ink thicker than blood.

Leaving behind words in place of scars. 

They said, Be the change and the world will follow.

I pretend to be reborn.

I tell myself that I am the change.

And the world did follow,

On Instagram to mock at my expense.

Some people see a few familiar faces and call it home.

What if I need to look at hearts and not faces?

When I look through those chunks of rock

Will I still be able to tell them apart?

This mind of mine colourfully black and white,

Scatters them into piles of two

They all judge me for my depth

Some look at my pockets and some my poetry. 

© Abirami

Why?

A tiny speck of dust, I, float in measureless oceans of space. All I am is a vacant stare amidst a seemingly sophisticated world where I will never belong. Lost in a trance in a crowd doing the happy dance. Will faking a smile earn me an offer to stay? I never think twice about the price I’ve had to pay. Yes there was once a time when I would have liked to be understood. The time when I gave up reality for delusion, endorsing a new attitude and a made up passion. You see, the safety of monotony can mask the missing happiness.

© Abirami

Positively Pessimistic

Happiness is a tricky emotion. Some times all you need is a good hair day whereas some times it could be your birthday and not getting a particular call can wreck your world. You could have dreamed of something all your life, yearned for that one moment when you get to feel it in your grasp, waited for the day it is finally within your reach only to get tired of it minutes after you finally embrace it. Is it always just the thrill of the Chase? Then how do know if you want happiness just because you don’t have it yet? What happens once it’s yours? The pleasure lasts only so long as your attention span. The minute you think of something else, *Poof* it’s gone. I don’t know much about being happy. But, if you want to feel good, I’ve got plenty of reasons:

1. You’re still alive, right now, you exist. You get to experience every aspect of life regardless of if it is good or bad. It’s all equally epic if you open yourself up to it.

2.Internet

3.Internet

4.Internet

5.Seriously you have Internet you can do anything you want!

Cheer up! 😀 Have a great day. 🙂

Day and Night

A raging ball of fire slowly slips into the shadows. The darkness embraces the light, and gives birth to the night. The gold turns to silver, all the noises now merely a quiver. 

I hear nothing. 

I see no-one. 

I am relieved. 

Little by little the dark fades into lighter shades, the moon leaves to light the sun ablaze. The world comes to life and with it, it’s strife. 

I hear lies.

I see liars.

I am betrayed. 

© Abirami. 

Resurrection – A Journal Entry Of Sorts.

I’ve been thinking a lot and writing very little. So many trains of thought yet, nothing passed the screening test. They were too real and there is nothing quite as unimpressive as real life. No one wants to read that shit, I told myself. So I went on stringing together, pretty strains of meaningless words. I threw in a few rhymes into the mix and stirred until I got some perfectionist poetry. I looked at my creation, the captivating beauty that it was. All the praises soothed my greedy heart. But it didn’t last very long.

It’s like the conscious mind has a reset button. Every night, all your values are wiped clean and the next day you wake up a new person. Ashamed of my shallow past, the voices in my head wept. What about all your hopes and fears? What about all those nights you spent dreaming?  I found them buried, in a lonely corner. A solemn grave for everything I stood for.

The worst kind of death is when you stop living for yourself.

– Abirami.

Lost in Frustration

They say, never expect anything in return when you do something for someone. That’s not really possible, is it?

Caring too much is never a good thing.

What once started out as a good thing, slowly transforms and the monster busts out of the closet. The helping hand soon attempts to choke the very person I helped when they act like dicks who never appreciate all the things I do for them.
And it’s very unlike me to take a hint and move on from these people who take me for granted.

What do I do?

I stay.

I help.

I do and I do and I do and I do some more. All for what?

More frustration.

Because humans are creatures of habit and that might as well be the reason behind my damnation.

Anyway, I hope you’ve all had a better day than me.

– Obsessed.

P.S. Please don’t mind the venting.

 

18 Already!? – Teenage crisis.

Go back to your childhood for a moment.

Are you there yet? Okay

Think of that one thing you’ve always wanted.

Do you have it now?

Did it change your life the way you expected it to?

All that I have ever wanted is freedom. To become an independent adult, make my own choices and be my own person. I have been over protected all my life and I thought that being a legal adult meant that I would no longer be controlled by anyone or anything. (I know. I’m an idiot.)

This January of 2016 I did turn 18. Huraaaaaah! I can drive. I can vote! what not? The world is my oyster. It was really surreal for the first couple of days. And then, slowly, the excitement died and I saw the unfiltered version of this big “change”. It was everything I did not expect it to be.

You know how when you want something real bad? It seems like the greatest thing in the world. An unsurmountable peak. And then when you finally get it, it’s no big deal anymore. Well, that’s exactly what happened with me. That and some more.

It took a while, but then it hit me. I am an adult. I have responsibilities. I don’t even know the electoral candidates’ last names and I’m supposed to vote. I don’t even have my own bank account, or a job that pays but I swindle money like it grows on trees. All I wanted was passion in my professional life and here I am hating every bit of college.

It’s ironic that I spent all of my life waiting for this part of my life, and now that it’s here, I have no idea how to handle it.

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Maybe being this lost will urge me to find my way.

Sincerely,

The Obsessive Writer.