Eclipsed by Love

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They say, a long time ago,

When the world had just begun,

The moon fell for the blazing sun.

Every day she chased him into the light,

For when the night fell, he was hardly in sight.

The way he glided past the skies,

He gave her butterflies.

Hoping she has the courage someday, for now she faded away.

© Abirami

Day and Night

A raging ball of fire slowly slips into the shadows. The darkness embraces the light, and gives birth to the night. The gold turns to silver, all the noises now merely a quiver. 

I hear nothing. 

I see no-one. 

I am relieved. 

Little by little the dark fades into lighter shades, the moon leaves to light the sun ablaze. The world comes to life and with it, it’s strife. 

I hear lies.

I see liars.

I am betrayed. 

© Abirami. 

The good, the bad and the original.

When I was little, the one piece of advice my sister always stressed upon was that it was very important to be unique. She’d say, “Anybody can be cool, but not Everybody has what it takes to be original”. Sometimes I’d think she said that just to spite me because I copied her lot. You know how little sisters are! 😀 I know now, being a sixteen year old, originality is something I rarely see. But then, is that all that’s important? Unique people are fascinating and interesting even but, they’re not always good. Their speciality sometimes takes a detour through psycho town. At times like that i realize I’d rather have a considerate, good person in my life than a “unique” pain in the neck.

Freedom.

What comes to your mind when you think of the word?

My think box is flooded with things like:

loneliness, courage, desire, bird, adult, emancipation, college, 1947, democracy, wind, wisdom, latenights, party, people….. And it goes on.

But you know what real freedom is? Freedom from judgement. Some people just go around walking the earth like they own it. I’m one of ’em. Ironically, when another self-centered know-it-all comes around talking to me like they own me, THAT, I’m not okay with.

Some people can be plain horrible. Inspiring but horrible. I met someone like that. Someone who had me worshipping him from day one. His high authority probably added to my reverence for him. The most inspiring teacher I’d ever met. In course of time the inspiration turned to intimidation and that my friends is what I’m here venting about. The man who first sowed my interest in the subject now makes me hate it. How am I supposed to deal with that?

I just tell myself and everyone else out there who have to go through this,

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child
See heaven has a plan for you
                   -Swedish House Mafia.

When you’re in the ocean, be the shark. It’s better to be feared than to fear. There will always be dominating, inconsiderate people out there who just don’t give a damn. Getting through it with a straight face seems good enough for someone my age.

I wanted to be him from my first class. I wanted to be the man who now scares the hell out of me. This paradox of sorts has now got me rethinking who I wanna be.

Is it more important to be that demanding person who constantly has everyone under her spell or a noble, kind person procuring the attention and warmth of people who simply love being around me? So, I once again rely on the sole fact that I could be the grey. Not black, not white. The exception I always dreamed of being. What about you?

Recollections and Re-evaluations.

I’m one of those insanely proud people. I believe being human is the greatest thing and that we get to rule the world because of the exceptional creatures we are. Yes, you’re right. I’m a very serious feminist as well; Serious enough to boycott anything that’s sexist; well, anti-feminist to be precise. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said: maintaining my attitude at all times is my life’s goal. Although, I fail miserably almost all the time. One of the things I have the highest level of faith in would be that we are very lets say “shrewd” for lack of a better word.

Is it just me? Aren’t you baffled by the capacities of the human mind? All those people with eidetic memories: Words cannot describe how much I envy them during a Chemistry final or a History Quiz. Then, there are those Math geeks, who just get every equation right. As brilliant as our nerds are, they’re not the best examples. Every mentalist out there has my absolute devotion; even the ones on T.V. Each time I see more instant psych evaluations and mysteries being solved from one extra breath intake or blink, I just sit there totally flabbergasted. Every smart-ass comment; each astute discovery or revelation; All these tacky little things that our minds can come up with is just astounding.

We can’t all be Sherlock Holmes and Patrick Janes, can we? Being exceptional isn’t the only thing that’s impressive about the human mind. I can’t deny the inspiration I’ve gotten all my life from the courageous, headstrong people around me. A brave heart in unfortunate times is as good an example for our remarkable capabilities.

I still remember that kid. It was time of Diwali around here. It was a pretty big deal back then. When I was about 12, Diwali meant everything to me. Though, I had different reasons to love it. Far different from those of any other child. I admired the colors and the lights too but, it wasn’t what made me happy. It was the happiness itself. Every Diwali my dad would just go big! But all those goodies he bought, those fireworks, they weren’t for me to light up. Don’t get me wrong here, my dad did get them because of me. It was just not FOR me. We’d invite all the people who lived around. Our custom was watching other people celebrate. As ridiculous as this sounds, it’s true. Nothing in the world has ever made me as happy.

It wasn’t always that way. I celebrated Diwali like every other kid too. It all changed one year. The year I was way too grown up to be celebrating. I was extremely pissed at my Dad for making me go back to grandma’s. I vowed that I wouldn’t touch a cracker no matter what. (And I didn’t) As furious as my dad was with me, he had to do something so all the fireworks didn’t go to waste. Whilst I was busy being stubborn I realized that I had to at least give him an alternative idea so I’d be off the hook. After an hour of brainstorming while watching random chick flicks on HBO I had a brilliant idea. (Well, my dad thought so.:P) In my grandma’s village people weren’t wealthy enough to afford such festivities. They’d normally just stand around my house to watch me and my dad light the sky up. I thought, why not let them actually experience it this time? My dad agreed. As soon as the spectators were there awaiting the show, Dad handed each rocket and sparkler to every kid or teen around. My plan worked perfectly. Except for one detail. Dad made me watch. So, there I was, standing; brimming with skepticism; watching them with no other choice. I told myself, “At least they’re having a blast.” Everyone but one little guy in the back.

He was a bit too little. Therefore, I’m guessing Dad didn’t think it was safe enough to let him light stuff up. He was mental image of melancholy. All the big kids were having the time of their lives and he just stood there in the corner, too short to see the show over the towering adults. Maybe it was because I felt like I could relate to him: I went over and handed him one of those tiny sparklers. His eyes just glowed with so much happiness, with the happiest smile I’ve ever seen he got the glowing stick and started waving it around and jumping with excitement. As each one burnt out, I gave him another and another and this went on. I felt the proudest I’ve ever felt. For the first time in my life, I made a difference.

We were out on the streets lighting up the whole place till 12:00 am. People slowly started to leave after that and so did the little boy. Before he left, he gave me what seemed like a look of gratitude. I smiled and went back inside to my room, to await a moment I’d been dreading. The “I told you so” moment that my dad was going to use to his maximum advantage, yet I was too happy to let that bother me anymore. I was lying down on my bed reading a Nancy Drew like every other night. Dad finally closed up and locked the front door and came to see me before he went to bed. What took me by surprise was that he didn’t have any scornful, sarcastic things to say. He just kissed me good night and appreciated me for having an open mind and enjoying myself that night. That proud feeling I had inside just surged within me. As he was leaving the door, I called out to him and asked what the little boy’s name was. Dad didn’t even know what little boy I was talking about. After I gave him a very detailed description he recognized him as the priest’s kid. That was utterly confusing because the priest wasn’t married. It was only after my Dad explained to me that the kid was adopted by the priest when he found him abandoned somewhere during his pilgrimage, things made sense. It was amazing that the kid could be so happy after going through things like this. Even in the darkest of times, he remembered to switch on the light.

As I think of all this, I realize that we are capable of such impeccable things. But a single overdose of a chemical can wipe out a person’s entire memory. A combination can instill new, fake memories in our heads. We can be hypnotised, brainwashed, et cetera. Such an astounding paradox we are, immune to life’s greatest miseries but totally vulnerable to a liquid out of a test tube. This makes me want to ask: are we really that great?

Survival of the fittest

Mom told me when I was ten, “Being a good person is very important. Never let anyone change how pure and forgiving you are. But don’t ever let someone use your niceness against you”. That ‘warning’ didn’t exactly make me any less naive but, I did look at the world from a different perspective. Every day of life has been an adventure, with me trying to figure out how the world works. Endless questions, obsessions and certain moments of truth, aren’t they what life’s all about?

Why do we ask for advice from other people? When no one can fully understand another person. We each have entirely different reasoning and beliefs. This is something I have accepted truly only today. It is very important to be happy with who you are. You’re amazing as an individual person. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. But, revealing exactly who you are to the whole world is not a good idea. As good as people are, they can also be pretty sly. Those people whom you think dropped down from heaven, they all have two sides. 

It is even more important to know yourself. You can’t go about conquering the world, when you’re not sure what you want in the first place. Give everything a chance. Thing’s aren’t always what 

It isn’t okay to be who you are, if you’re someone who speaks your heart wherever you go. This world will eat you right up. And, it sure as hell isn’t okay if you’re someone who think people mean everything they say. I was that person for a very long time. For those of you out there who actually believe in that, it’s time you look at life from a different perspective. Nothing has ever hurt me more than finding out how wrong I’ve been about someone. Because, for a head strong person like me, being right is everything. 

Have you ever met a new person and just connected instantly? And you can almost see them in your future with you? What I didn’t realize was no one really speaks their mind. Whatever they say is very far from reality. This trusting nature has landed me more disappointments than I can count. A little innocence is good but being so trusting doesn’t really get anywhere. 

When people ask a question, the truth isn’t always what the want. Sometimes giving them what they want is the best thing you can do. And most important of all to every girl out there who’s got a boy making her feel bad about herself: Boys will always be obnoxious. Even the good ones! They have a different way of life and entirely different personalities. Your wants and needs are entirely different from his. And, as for the bad ones, no guy is cute enough to be allowed to make you feel less than you are! Love life, don’t waste a minute of it over insecurities. 🙂