The Privilege of Kindness

Countless birthday candles and shooting stars,

I was raised to dream endlessly,

Believe that nothing was beyond the realms of possibility.

Perhaps that is what my love for stargazing was born of,

Opportunities to make wishes;

Stroll down the path of life without dismissals.

Growing up with everything you wish for,

Makes it mundane to want,

Ask a world taunted by needs, and anticipate it to grant.

Little did I know,

Of the long ways I had yet to go.

Little did I know,

Of the storm that had to pass before one could see the rainbow.

Life isn’t as pretty, as the poems claim it to be.

Life hadn’t been as kind to most, as it had been to me.

Most people are given less than they deserve.

And in the face of brutal inequality, they are expected to survive.

Those of you, with your pockets full of wishes,

Spare some for those who may need it more to go on.

The greatest thing you can do with the kindness you were shown,

Is send it forward to those, who haven’t had as many stars to wish upon.

© Abirami

When I was younger and I was faced with the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was never a career path that came to mind. To be good. That has always been the goal. And what is good? Who is a good person? There are so many different answers. But they all boil down to the idea of acceptance. A good person is someone who simply goes out of their way to avoid making someone else’s life harder. Will you be remembered as a good person if you’ve hurt the life of another? Well, it is human to err. So what is unequivocally good then? It is simply to try your best. To try your best to accept those who are different from you. To try your best to do right by your loved ones. To try your best to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and seek redemption. To be good, is to try. And try I will. I hope you do as well.

– The Obsessive Writer

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Online – Episode #1

What do you use the internet for?

Starting from homework to passing time, we’re all a little too dependent when it comes to the World Wide Web. It has a different meaning in all our lives, at different stages. The vast majority mainly use it to learn or to entertain themselves. To some, it’s how they make their living like youtubers, bloggers and so many social media influencers. And then there are those who make it their life.

Logged on as – agirlwhodreams

January 20th, 2015 – It’s My Birthday

I LOVE MY LAPTOP SO MUCH!!!!! I LOVE MY DAD SO MUCH!!!!! Okay, everyone’s here for my party – xoxo.

2 – Responses

gamer8055 : Happy birthday!

edmforlife : It ain’t a partaay without some coke. Hit me up if you’re up for some real fun. 😉

January 25th, 2015 – Homework Sucks. School sucks. Life sucks.

Dear Diary teenagers on this subreddit,

I had a shit day at school. I have so much homework. Who cares why Phenanthrene is more stable than Benzene & Anthracene? My Chemistry teacher needs to get laid.

10 – Responses

gamer8055 : Lol

February 27th, 2015 – How does one get rid of a Parent?

My parents do not understand the concept of personal space. So I was talking to Jake in the parking. Yes. HE ACTUALLY SPOKE TO ME. But there’s too much going on for me to get excited about that. There I was explaining to him what we had to do for our mid-term paper, nervous as hell of saying something stupid to the cutest boy in school, and Mom pops out of nowhere. Why can’t she just wait in the car like all the other parents? She was all, “So yooooou’re the Jake, Melissa won’t stop talking about” I just shoved my head into my bag and stomped my way to the car.

50 – Responses

gamer8055 : Is he that cute?

austinXtyler : You should consider hypnosis. I’m taking a course online to deal with my parents.

demilover : I feel you!

March 15th, 2015 – I’m officially the luckiest girl on the planet. 

He asked me out! I’m not naming names or places. God help me if he ever read any of this. I’m officially dating!! *Does an embarrassing happy dance*

10 – Responses

delilahjones : *Joins in on the happy dancing*

thehipdad : Use protection.

March 24th, 2015 – Jimmy Choos or Louboutins?

Guys! My prom is in an hour. He’s on his way to pick me up and I’m freaking out! I need your help. Let’s have a quick poll please.

Choos – 35

Louboutins – 27

April 10th, 2015 – What do I get my boyfriend for his birthday?

How cute is it that our 1 month anniversary is the same day as his birthday? We are so meant to be.

13 – Responses

swiftie4life : Clothes? It will remind him of you every time he wears it.

Reply to swiftie4life : Thanks 🙂

thebroodedude : Condoms! 😀

Reply to thebroodedude – by gamer8055 : Get lost you perv.

April 15th, 2015 – I’m Dying.

I can’t get over his smile. I’m so happy, I’m dying. Today was amazing. I gave him a shirt. He said he loved it. That’s not all he said. He said.. He loved it, as much as he loves me. ME! I can’t believe he said it. I told him I loved him too. We talked a lot today. More than usual. I think I’ve crossed that phase of my life where I needed someone’s advice to know what I want. It’s simple. I want him. I’m going to focus on our relationship and school and all the amazing things in life I have going on, instead of wasting time on the internet. I feel like he’s the one. I know I’m only 16. I’ve dated like one boy so far and it’s him. Everyone’s gonna say I can’t possibly know if he’s the one, right now. And that’s fine. But I know what I feel. We’ll see what happens won’t we?  Waiting is easy. I’ll just get lost in his eyes in the mean time. – xoxo.

30 – Responses

swiftie4life : Told you the shirt would work! You’re welcome.

itsmehannah : Yay!! Mel and Jake 4eva ❤

Reply to itsmehannah : Hannah!! how did you find me? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Please don’t kill me for this.

December 10th, 2015 – Is my Boyfriend crazy?

I really need some advice. I feel so lost. My hands are literally shaking. I don’t even know if I can talk about this to anyone I know. We’ve been dating for almost year now. We’re only teenagers, yet we found ourselves talking about rings and how we’d spend our future together. We even applied to all the same colleges. I’ve been living a fairy tale until this happened.

So my classmate texted me asking if he could borrow my inflatable mattress for a camping trip and I told him it was fine. He came over to pick it up and we were in my room trying to bag up the mattress. My parents weren’t home and my boyfriend decided to surprise me with a visit at the same time and he just walked into my house to find us (me and my our classmate), in my bedroom.

He just lost it and started walking away. I tried to explain it to him, so i ran after him and got into his car. He wasn’t listening to reason at all. He was angry and saying things like he wanted to hit me and bash my skull in because that’s what I deserved. So I was about to just give up and get out of the car. Suddenly he just grabbed me and hugged me tight. Begging me not to leave. I still have bruises in both my arms from the way he held me.

After that a few days have passed and he’s apologised many times. He said he didn’t mean any of it and that he was just mad. I don’t know what to do. I still love him but I’m scared.

To be continued… 

© Abirami

Online – Episode #5

All good things must come to an end. Whether we like it or not, that’s just the way life is. Teenage can feel like the hardest of times. The heightened emotions can really get you in ways you’ve never imagined. They say things get easier if you keep trying. Whoever said that was not talking about being a teenager. There’s no beating it. There is only surviving it.

Survival is more fun with some team work. We all need an A-Team, you know? It could even just be you and another person. Size doesn’t matter. It’s the bond. It’s how well you fit into each other’s storms.

Logged on as – agirlwhodreams

April 4th, 2016 – Trying Times.

The crap has officially hit the fan in my so called excuse for a life. Evilla is out to get me. I am literally failing in class. I think I’m about to lose the only two friends I have because I happen to be a b*tch. And to top it all off, I have to host my cousin who’s visiting in my dorm. Thanks mom! This is exactly what I needed. ANOTHER thing to worry about. It’s cool.

So what’s the quickest and easiest way to get rid of a f*cking tourist?

300 – Responses

itsclareclaire : Things will get better girl. Relax.

itsmehannah : My poor baby.

Reply to itsmehannah by agirlwhodreams : I wish you were here. xoxo.

gamer8055 : Leave them in a deserted subway in the middle of the night. The city should take care of the getting rid of them part for you. You’re welcome. *Insert sinister emoji*

April 5th, 2016 – Why! Just why?

So I just picked up my cousin from the airport. She has an actual list. And the first thing she did was shove it in my face. I had to explain to her that I had something called a “life” and a sucky part of it involves school. After showing her how the subway worked, I came to class to work on those extra credit assignments. I’m dead if I don’t get these right. Getting a good partner assigned is literally crucial to pass. The only kinda people who even bother with these extra credit assignments are mega nerds and dumbass kids who don’t have enough credits to pass. I belonged to that second category right now. Guess who offered to help? Yes. Andrew. My genius best friend. Who might possibly like me. What do I do? I do not want to lead him on.

538 – Responses

Johannaxon : You can get his help without leading him on. Just saying.

Stefi900 : Oh boo hoo. A guy likes you. And he wants to help you. HOW FREAKIN SAD.

Reply to Stefi900 by gamer8055 : Chill dude. You better back off.

April 20th, 2016 – Things are not what they seem.

I’ve been an idiot. Maybe this is what I’ve always done wrong. Even with Jake. (My ex-boyfriend) Every time something’s wrong, I struggle to fix it. But at other times, when nothing is being pointed out to me, I just go on walking onto a burning building like it’s all good and then I complain about getting burnt. I’m not making much sense am I? Well, something happened yesterday that snapped back things into reality. During class the speakers buzzed and the Dean announced that one of my classmates’ father passed away from a heart attack. Let’s call her Salma. He was a healthy adult. Barely 50. Their family did not have much but she was a brilliant student. Salma was on a fully funded scholarship and everything. People often made fun of her, and some even hated her for how talented she was. Even I thought she was obsessed with school work to a toxic level.

After we heard what happened, the entire school went to her house to check up on her. And I saw this new side. She was broken. There was no psychotic drive in her eyes, just sorrow. She wasn’t thinking about the finals we had tomorrow. She wasn’t thinking about anything but her father. To anyone who would lend a ear she told story after story about how funny, thoughtful and amazing her father was. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her make this much social contact.

There are people out there with real problems. I need to grow up.

*Comments Disabled*

April 21st, 2016 – Life is not strange, we are.

We had our finals today. I think I did okay. As expected, Salma didn’t show up. It’s such a shame because she had the brightest future amongst all the students here.

I was still in that same state of mind from yesterday. I decided to conquer my not so scary demons. And Evilla was the first one on the list.

I walked up to her with a resolve to set things straight. I handed her, her metaphorical crown and explained how I could NEVER take her place. And that the only reason someone dropped a note in my locker was to prank me. (Well I knew it was Andrew but she didn’t have to know that) What happened after that was unexpected. She actually smiled. Not a sarcastic, know-it-all, condescending smile but a genuine one. I never thought Evilla would want to call truce so easily.

Next on the list was Andrew. I had a speech rehearsed. It was decisive but soft. I planned to let him down easy. I knew he was by the lockers emptying his stuff out. When I turned the corner into the corridor with the lockers, I saw Jessica and Andrew KISSING. Yes. Turns out he liked her not me. Guess those notes were a prank by some jobless fool after all.

46899 – Responses.

Madazzahatter : Predictable as fuck.

Savvyfudge : I’m glad you finally figured things out. Most girls live their whole damn lives thinking the whole world revolves around them.

gamer8055 : Who calls their own admirer a fool? *Sigh*

May 17th, 2016 – You will not believe this.

I cannot believe I’m one of those corny people who has to say “online” when someone asks how I met my boyfriend.

500035 – Responses

Itsmehannah : WHAT BOYFRIEND?

Jakejones : You’re dating someone new?

KateKlossi : Um? Care to elaborate?

gamer8055 : Leaving those notes made a cute addition to our story didn’t it, babe? C’mon. You’ve gotta give me credit for all that. 😉

Reply to gamer8055 by agirlwhodreams : Yeah yeah super cute. The part where you stalked me online for years before actually speaking to me is way cuter. 😛

The End.

To be a Writer…

All it takes is a feeling. A kiss that sends you reeling. The smell of the rain or the music that momentarily takes away your pain. Every where you look there lies an untold story. So, keep an eye out for the poetry. It’s not always pretty. Not if you want reality. The truth doesn’t have to rhyme. What has to be said, needs to be said when it’s time. Those demons on your shoulder, they will tell you,

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“You can’t”

“You won’t”

“Don’t”

Flick them off and keep writing anyway.

© Abirami

What My Dreams are Made Of

Some people can captivate you with words,

Like the sound of their voice simply resonates with your soul.

Like every thought they utter has crossed your mind.

Like they have discovered in you, things no one else could ever find.

Like them,

I do not aspire to change the world,

Nor do I wish to touch every heart.

I could never be that bold.

My wings could never soar that far.

My dreams are made of simpler things.

In a lifetime of writing,

If I could touch a single life, make a difference to one person,

That is all I dream of; that would be enough.

©️ Abirami

A Search for the Right Way

Is there such a thing?

I’ve always been taught by life and it’s experiences that nothing is ever black or white. Our moral compass if often dunked in shades of grey and we’re left stranded with no sense of direction. I did not think there was a rule book. But lately, it feels like there are indeed some strong indicators that guide us unintentionally.

Whenever I am faced with a difficult choice, there are often two options. One that feels like it might suck immensely, and an easier one. I hate confrontation, or any sorts of negativity so I’ve always ended up picking the easier thing to do. Like not leaving my hometown for college, not ending a bad friendship, just not taking risks.

Maybe the right way doesn’t feel so right? Maybe its when you’ve got that pit in your stomach you’re doing what you’re supposed to. I have reached this point in my life where I feel like nothing can go wrong. Every high or low is just the path I was meant to take to my rightful destination. The only way I’m going to end up where I am supposed to is by doing things the right way no matter the consequences and irrespective of how hard they are.

Seeing as I’ve only got this one life, I might as well get it right.

– The Obsessive Writer

Obsessed

To all the writers out there:

It’s not real unless it’s obsessive.

We all dream. But, you don’t deserve it unless every minute of your life is somehow a journey towards it.

We all love. But you don’t belong together unless you share a passion that drives you insane.

You can write pretty words, think easy thoughts. It might even please the crowd. But you’re not really writing unless every word you write is a window to your soul. The truth is ugly. It doesn’t rhyme. Sometimes it doesn’t even make sense. But the moment you stop caring what others think, you will discover yourself. Maybe they’ll like it, maybe they won’t. At least, it will be real.

So darling, stay obsessed. Make every choice like there’s no consequence. Live every fucking moment like you’re about to breathe your last breath.

– The Obsessive Writer

Love Yourself

So many people rant about self-love, and I don’t know about you, but I often wonder things like, “They’re just saying that because they have someone” you know? I’m skeptical to people who have millions of loving people in their lives who talk about self-love being the only love that “matters”. And then there are those perfect, flat stomached, curvy girls who say looks don’t matter so don’t hate your body. Love it for what it is.

We all are in this journey in life to find someone to complete us. Some of think we already found them, some of us never stop looking and some of us hate our lives because we don’t have that someone. What is this someone for, you ask? It is to help bury all those insecurities. Am I pretty enough? Am I skinny enough? Am I funny enough? Am I lovable? Am I fun to be around? We want someone who’s going to answer all those questions in a positive way for the rest of our lives to feed our growing insecurities.

What if you’ve already got that person and you’ve no idea? What if I told you I know who completes you?

It’s you.

Yes, I’m starting to sound like those people who talk about self-love too, aren’t I? Well times have changed and I’ve had some growing up to do. It’s not just one or two but almost everyone who loves themselves seems to have a lot of people who love them. Everyone who feels confident about how they look is often perceived as beautiful and gorgeous. Are you seeing the common denominator here?

Be that person who sits on the bed with yourself and hold your own hand and stop those tears. Learn to cheer yourself up. You were born as a whole and you don’t need someone to complete you. Once you’ve reached that stage where you love yourself whether you lose that 10 kilos or not, those petty things won’t matter. And when you’re around people you’ll start thinking about how they make you feel rather than panicking about whether they like you or not. That’s the day you’ll find love, and friends and people who accept you for who you are. And that’s the day you’ll feel beautiful inside out.

– The Obsessive Writer

Anger Management

I don’t understand how a certain group of people are categorised as impulsive. How are only some people that way? Is it not human to feel an impulse? If it were up to me there would only be two categories. People who are alive, and those who are dead.

But I’ve been told recently that I couldn’t always say or do what I liked. And that being “impulsive” is not the right way to deal with things. That right course of action is apparently to carefully think about it and agonise over it until you’re too numb to want to do something about how you’re feeling.

Like if you’re at work and a co-worker undermines you, or you’re at school and someone takes credit for your work or belittles you. Would you just walk away? That is the society we live in. There’s so much importance to conforming to social norms and “decency”, that the line between right and wrong is so blurry these days.

If you’re able to bottle up your feelings when someone stabs you in the back, or outright insults you, then good for you. I cannot live a lie like that. And I won’t. To hell with your opinions. I will remain impulsive for as long as I have a pulse.

– The Obsessive Writer

Forever

When asked the secret to a good relationship, the elderly couple replied,

“Back then, date nights were at the park”

Love is strong where the WIFI is weak.

© Abirami