What kind of a writer am I? 

What kind of a writer am I,

If all I can write about is love or hate.

What kind of a writer am I,

If rhymes are the deciding factor of my fate. 

What kind of a writer am I,

If truth is my prominent style.

What kind of a writer am I,

If nothing I write makes it seem worthwhile. 

What kind of a writer am I,

If my choices are the roads less travelled by

What kind of a writer am I,

If I knew the darkest corners of the world but had to ask you,

“Who am I?” 

– The Obsessive writer.

© Abirami

Resurrection – A Journal Entry Of Sorts.

I’ve been thinking a lot and writing very little. So many trains of thought yet, nothing passed the screening test. They were too real and there is nothing quite as unimpressive as real life. No one wants to read that shit, I told myself. So I went on stringing together, pretty strains of meaningless words. I threw in a few rhymes into the mix and stirred until I got some perfectionist poetry. I looked at my creation, the captivating beauty that it was. All the praises soothed my greedy heart. But it didn’t last very long.

It’s like the conscious mind has a reset button. Every night, all your values are wiped clean and the next day you wake up a new person. Ashamed of my shallow past, the voices in my head wept. What about all your hopes and fears? What about all those nights you spent dreaming?  I found them buried, in a lonely corner. A solemn grave for everything I stood for.

The worst kind of death is when you stop living for yourself.

– Abirami.

This above all: to thine own self be true.

This was my entry to an essay contest. What do y’all think?

Introduction

The most important part of life, or its destiny, is truly understanding oneself and choosing the right path to progress in. That level of self-actualization can be attained only when you are true to your own self. This Shakespearean quote insists on the very same idea.

The importance of originality

All the 7 billion people in this world have different perspectives and desires. While everyone goes on about in this rat race to be the best, what they fail to realize is, being the best is less about comparing yourself to others but more about being the best you can be and utilizing your full potential.

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation

                      –         Herman Melville

Although it is easier to simply be another voice in the “brilliant” crowd, isn’t it simply better to have your own opinion? It would be a waste of intelligence to suppress your ideas out of fear of being judged. Possessing the grit and determination to voice your thoughts without any regard for the criticism it may bring is indeed a mammoth task. Perhaps that is why they say the brave are the most rewarded.

Another important thing to be noted is that there is a huge difference between being an original and being different. A clown most definitely stands out in a black and white ball, but that doesn’t make him the star of the evening. There’s a time and place for everything and everyone.

Our dreams make us

At school, besides Science and Math they also teach us to dream. Right from kindergarten we develop hopes and dreams of the person we’ll grow up to be. As children we possessed no deceit, it was just pure ambition and everyone only wanted to be what they really wanted to be. Then we grew up with the reality of the world closing in on us and our priorities changed. Now everyone only wants to be whom the people around them like. I think living life to please others, is an utter waste of potential.

Our dreams define us and who we can become. It is necessary to be true to ourselves and pursue our own interests for that is our destiny. Just because your dream is different from anyone else’s it doesn’t make it any less credible. The general perception that the common choice is the wiser choice is very flawed. All dreams are real and worth pursuing as long as they’re yours.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

                –         Robert Frost, The road not taken.

Self-esteem is a prized possession

The primary goal in our lives, whoever we are is to be liked, to have friends, to be appreciated and trusted. We develop our character, personality, etc. to be known and praised as excellent human beings. Sometimes, to achieve that adoration we tend to change ourselves. Little by little, we end up changing a lot and entirely become someone else. Acceptance is the first step to success. Only when you accept who you are and learn to love yourself, you can even dream of getting others to do so. I believe that there is something good and worth appreciating in every human being in this world. So, we should work on understanding ourselves and accepting who we are.

Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them

                    –         Albert Einstein.

Also, self-esteem and narcissism are two different things. People often mistake one for the other. Excessive pride and gloating never gets you anywhere. Besides respecting who you are, humility is another necessary possession. Life isn’t meant to be wasted in underestimating ourselves nor in exaggerating our capabilities. Believe in yourself and be truthful. You are your best critic.

My experiments with truth

I take pride in being myself and letting my work reflect who I am. I think it is even right to say that being myself is my only choice because everyone else is already taken. As of now, I’m the 12th grade which I am told is the deciding year of a student’s future. I see everyone around me, my friends putting in their very best to achieve their goals. I see pure dedication and hard work, all with its own purpose. The most important decision we’ll be making this year is a career choice. All those childhood dreams, this is where we sort out what is our destiny and what goes into the trash.

I, personally, have made up my mind to choose based on one sole factor and that is, what I want. I don’t think it is fair to simply spend my whole life pursuing a career just for the money or the society’s opinion. We are given only one chance to live and I intend on making the best of mine. At present Architecture is what I have found the passion for and if things work out that is one of the things I’ll be doing with my life. I also hope to be a published writer one day.

Conclusion

Truth is the first lesson of morality and consequentially being true to yourself is the moral way to live because, you set your own standards and work on staying true to them. It is important to understand yourself because only then you can hope to understand the rest of the world. Acceptance is the path of progress and accepting who you are is the first step down the lane. Your values and perspective are different from everyone else’s. Embrace them, and you embrace who you are.

True morality consists, not in following the beaten track, but in finding out the true path for ourselves and in fearlessly following it

                        –         Mahatma Gandhi.

Survival of the fittest

Mom told me when I was ten, “Being a good person is very important. Never let anyone change how pure and forgiving you are. But don’t ever let someone use your niceness against you”. That ‘warning’ didn’t exactly make me any less naive but, I did look at the world from a different perspective. Every day of life has been an adventure, with me trying to figure out how the world works. Endless questions, obsessions and certain moments of truth, aren’t they what life’s all about?

Why do we ask for advice from other people? When no one can fully understand another person. We each have entirely different reasoning and beliefs. This is something I have accepted truly only today. It is very important to be happy with who you are. You’re amazing as an individual person. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. But, revealing exactly who you are to the whole world is not a good idea. As good as people are, they can also be pretty sly. Those people whom you think dropped down from heaven, they all have two sides. 

It is even more important to know yourself. You can’t go about conquering the world, when you’re not sure what you want in the first place. Give everything a chance. Thing’s aren’t always what 

It isn’t okay to be who you are, if you’re someone who speaks your heart wherever you go. This world will eat you right up. And, it sure as hell isn’t okay if you’re someone who think people mean everything they say. I was that person for a very long time. For those of you out there who actually believe in that, it’s time you look at life from a different perspective. Nothing has ever hurt me more than finding out how wrong I’ve been about someone. Because, for a head strong person like me, being right is everything. 

Have you ever met a new person and just connected instantly? And you can almost see them in your future with you? What I didn’t realize was no one really speaks their mind. Whatever they say is very far from reality. This trusting nature has landed me more disappointments than I can count. A little innocence is good but being so trusting doesn’t really get anywhere. 

When people ask a question, the truth isn’t always what the want. Sometimes giving them what they want is the best thing you can do. And most important of all to every girl out there who’s got a boy making her feel bad about herself: Boys will always be obnoxious. Even the good ones! They have a different way of life and entirely different personalities. Your wants and needs are entirely different from his. And, as for the bad ones, no guy is cute enough to be allowed to make you feel less than you are! Love life, don’t waste a minute of it over insecurities. 🙂

YOURS TRULY

                          Aaaaand I’m back! B) Man I’ve always wanted to do that! So, um, anyway, I know its been pretty long since i wrote. So to the people out there: If you guys actually read my blog I apologize for this whole spacing out. Its been a long time since I last wrote down what i felt. I guess I chose to right now because I kinda have a French final tomorrow and well procrastination is the writer’s delight, is it not? I’ve been up to a lot of stuff lately. Lots of changes. LOTS of new people, lots of new relationships. And yes, imminently lots of new things to get myself down about. But no, that doesn’t exactly have to be a bad thing. ‘Cause I believe that there’s no point in figuring out if your life is happy or sad. What’s more important is knowing your life is exciting and eventful rather than well, boring.

                        The new experiences from the new people have taught me a lot of things and have also made me admit to myself and the world several things that I never would before. Self-actualization…It’s the dream, right? As always I’m still in awe with life. The heartbreaks and disappointments do keep coming but my excitement isn’t dead yet. People keep saying that I’m innocent and maybe that’s why I’m happy with life despite what it throws at me. Maybe some day I’ll be cynical and jaded like ’em too. But for now all I see around me is a beautiful world with so many many opportunities to seek and a lifetime to experience. 

                           I think it’s time for a confession now. I probably didn’t write because wordpress has been a bit screwed up lately. For about two months none of my blogs got published and I got no response. I lost a great deal of confidence. As ashamed as I am to admit this, its time I did. I’ve insecurities too. I know, it’s no big deal ’cause everyone has insecurities. I just happen to be one of those people who don’t quite like admitting stuff. 😀

                         These three months I’ve been so busy worrying about the “Lameness” of my blog that I forgot about the reason I started writing in the first place. I wrote ’cause I loved it. This was, and still happens to be my most favorite thing to do with my time. I’m at ease when i write, I feel completely safe and in control of what is happening. Besides, I like how I feel when I write because everything is so picture perfect. We all know just how much I LOVE sounding like a smartass. 😉 I just to remind myself of all these things to shed the insecurities and write again. I hear ya! It did take quite long for me to realize all this. Nevertheless I am here now. And, what’s a writer without insecurities and other weirder emotional problems. 😀

                          Just because I haven’t been writing doesn’t mean my brain was on hold the past three months. oh, no. It’s been buzzing harder than ever. I constantly drift into these extremely long trains of thought. I’ve been questioning the origin of the universe and all the other fun stuff. Right now I’ve gotta say there is just one thing that’s on my mind pretty much all the time. College. I’m almost done with my 11th grade now. It’s just one more year then I’m off to college. It’s a new world out there and I don’t have a clue about it. That’s pretty hard for me because I’m the kinda person who never sets foot into anything without a whole pile of clues. 

                             The whole idea of having to start over. Again just frightens me. I’ve had to change many schools. It was only from my sixth grade my life was stable. So, now when I think that I’ve to go through that again in probably a different city it just leaves this huge knot my stomach. There are just so many questions in my head that it’s a wonder I don’t have ears shaped like question marks yet. These friends I’ve made, they’re kind of hard to let go. I get attached pretty quickly and 6 years is a long time. I know they’re irreplaceable. I just want people who can be at least nearly as awesome as them. 

                         Also, most importantly college is like the beginning of adulthood around here. More the freedom, more the vulnerability. I can see so so far ahead. I’ll have a job after college. Then it’ll be just me leading my own life. It’s all just so breathtaking. I’m just grateful for this feeling inside of me. As people say, “my innocence” that has me excited about everything. The only thing I have to say to anyone going through what I am would be to stay innocent. “Cause it’s a great feeling. Sometimes all you need to face the scariest of changes is that gut feeling that everything is going to be okay anyway. 

That’s all for now. Adios people. Or, is it Au revoir? 😀