To be stopped and once again revived, the mind is not as patient as the heart. Hope is more comforting than intelligence when struck by a poison dart. During the wait to be brought back to life there are a few things that just make you wonder.. Is each minute a funeral march to the grave or a brave stride towards a rightful destiny? I should hate to lose myself in the fulfillment of an untold prophecy. Regardless, I lie here, awaiting my calling. A century long slumber, in a haze between flying and falling.
Death isn’t knew to me. It’s one of my oldest memories. I watched my grand father as he breathed his final breath. He wasn’t scared. I recognised nothing but acceptance and peace in his face. In that moment, it dawned on me. That’s the goal. To die a happy man. And live with no regrets.
You’ve lived a good life if those who wish you weren’t gone are greater in number than those who want you dead.
Die in peace, if there are people out there who hold on to the little things you said.
Today, tomorrow, may be years later.
You will be gone. Not to a better place. Just gone; without a trace.
If life is nothing but a story, just make it a good one, right?
-Sincerely, The Obsessive Writer.
Through the good days and not so
good days, you somehow develop a method to process it all. Be it loss or happiness, we all have our own routines and rocks to lean on. The best of emotions are welcomed with open arms, endlessly experienced. What about the less cheerful ones? Out of fear of losing, we hardly tackle sorrow. But just once, what if you could try? What if, you could beat it? Life was meant to be lived; and emotions felt; be them good or bad. What’s a battle if you’re guaranteed a win?
Today was different. It started at 5 AM this beautiful and very sleepy morn. I woke up sulking just like every other day and as I continued my life long battle with Physics. There I was flipping through those never-ending pages and I suddenly realized how much I loved it all. Yes, I did wonder if I’d finally lost it after all the sleep deprivation, but no, this was real. I was happy not the kind of happy that just blows over in a while, but happy, for real.
I have never been glad about being force fed every bit of math and science a 16 year old can take. In India we don’t have much liberty to choose our subjects at school. Physics, Chemistry and Math have been with me for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been good at school but I never really did any of it because I wanted to. My grades were just a necessity to get out of school to a college of my choice so that I could finally choose for myself what I wanted. And I imagined what I’d want would be free of all sciences or math of any kind.
I guess, I never realized how much I loved what I did because I had it all thrust upon me. For the first time in my life I was happy. Not because of the hope that things will get better soon but because things were already okay. And that happiness felt the happiest of all.
The most important choices of life are sometimes based on reasons that may seem whimsical. Regardless, the heart wants what it wants and nothing else makes quite as much as sense. This burning desire isn’t just fueled by one wish. We yearn for a harmonious cacophony of unrelated events. A few knowing smiles and a bit of familiarity can settle any emotional storm. The best part of unexpected fortune is that there’s absolutely nothing to lose. No false hope. A happy accident of sorts. That strange daze gives you this sort of high you can’t ever recreate. At the end of the day we just want to be carried home. Kick back and relax after the roller-coaster ride. Protected until we have some solid ground to land on. Common ground.
Life is good until people start telling you what to do. I mean, what is up with that? Where do they get off thinking that they can actually judge your capabilities. They seem to confuse outright dictation with advice often and it’s got to stop. I’m in my 12th grade and getting into college is the only thing this year is all about. So, now, apparently everyone has an opinion on where I should go.
I accept defeat. I’m not calm or composed anymore! Their constant annoyance has finally got me. It’s got me real good and I’m officially panicking, questioning my potential and all the other fun stuff. I hit a new low today. A point where I started convincing myself that the ordinary, average choices of careers aren’t all that bad.
To me, the worst thing ever would be – being titled average. All my life I was the exceptional one. How does one accept being average after that? I don’t understand the world either. Have I simply stopped being myself anymore? Is that why they generalise me? If this is them trying to scare me into studying, they better not hope for me to be grateful later. Because I’m seriously not feeling it.
So let me make it clear to everyone out there including “them”. I know this year is important for my life. I know I need good scores to go get into a good college and choose a rewarding career. I’ll work my butt off for it, give it my all. I’ll ace every paper I’m given. I’ll choose the career I want, only because that’s what I want for myself. (emphasis on the I) I’ll be someone the world never forgets, I know I will. To every single one of “them” out there who think I can’t, all I have to say is,