Addicted.

We are all slaves of our conscience and desires – The two primary things that have their influence over our lives. Our emotions for instance: anger, sorrow, lust, love we just can’t suppress them no matter how hard we try. Another serious factor that has complete and absolute control over us would be our addictions.

What are these addictions you ask?
Well yes, drugs are the easiest to get addicted to. That is more health oriented than I’d like for this post and It is mostly because of several other things in life that pushes one towards it.
This post is more about the more deadly, subtle addictions that sometimes we’re not even aware of. Leave alcoholism, anorexia, OCDs, plastic surgery addictions and other health oriented stuff out of your mind as you continue reading.

Let’s start simple.

An overachiever is addicted success cannot go through a tiny piece of failure and come out of it alive. I’d know. An invalid who is always excused and given special rights cannot survive in a world where he is treated an equal. An influential man can never stand in line. He simply doesn’t even know the way of life of the lesser mortals. A beautiful girl can never go without satisfactory attention in public. A successful person thrives on compliments. This list goes on and on and on so I think it is safe to assume that we are in a way addicted to our lifestyles. Maybe that is because we know only our life and learning to live differently might be hard but you have to admit that there is some compulsive obsession to have things going on the same way at those times when things fall slightly out of track.

These addictions are the little things. The less harmful ones. What you should watch out for, are the people. Every single one of us with or without a social life has this one person we just can’t go without. They may change from time to time. But they’re there! It depends on our individual luck if or not they’re good for us. Regardless. There is someone and they’re probably on your mind right now.

If they actually care about you and consider you to be something in their lives, then good! The sad part is, even if they don’t, we just can’t let go. Our minds are always smarter than our hearts, smart enough to fool it and at times we take advantage of that. Even when you know, so clearly that they’re not good for you, they don’t even care! You hold on to the good things that they do and convince yourself that it’s enough. THIS is the worst kind of addiction there is! And you just have to let go.

I know it’s hard. What you don’t realize is that it’s not really you fearing losing them, it’s you not wanting to be alone. You wanting the relationship. Because you’ve convinced yourself that you need it. Think for a minute. Just one. There was no relationship in the first place! The only person in it was YOU! Playing both roles. So it doesn’t really matter if they’re there or not! You can satisfy yourself regardless. At least you can save yourself some self-respect.

Choose the right people, the one’s who deserve you. It’s okay to fixate but invest yourself in the right people. I know I have. What about you?

You, yes you!

You’re you.

Everything in your life is you.

What happens when you turn into someone else?

Do you ever feel like we lose a little bit of ourselves in everything in our lives? Our personalities are imprinted into everything related to us. Like DNA among blood relatives. Just like our tissue can be traced back to us. Our belongings: virItual, abstract or real can be linked to us as well!

Reading a post “Define yourself” from an amazing blog,

Daydreamsandferriswheels.wordpress.com

And watching a few sherlock episodes initiated this train of thought.

Be it a like or dislike, a choice, a password, the attire, a possession, the career, passion, the people you choose and the relationships you choose to have with them, the lifestyle! Everything associated with you is very much related to you. When you think of it, either it brims with your personality or it is characterised by a deep desire. Am I wrong? I bet I’m not.

Who you are is reflected in everything in your life, what happens when you start being someone else?

Yes, it happens to everybody. There are times in our lives when we are insecure and low that we start hating or considering ourselves to have an unsatisfactory personality, that we decide that being someone else, someone better may change things. For those of you going through this, YES. It will. There will be a change. You might even become more popular and liked among people. But what you should know is that they don’t like you. They only like how well you’ve become the other person. It’s barely an appreciation to your mirroring ability or whatever the shrinks say!

I do something similar, but different. I change who I am with people. But the “different” part is that I’m a different person with everyone. I was gifted with the ability of not being a moron and understanding the people around me. I use said “superpowers” to deduct what they like and simply be that to them. Although I am not doing this for the same reasons it’s still similar. Anyone following my blogs will know that I’m a pretty (understating it) confident person. I put on this “chameleon” act ’cause sometimes I’m just scared. Scared that revealing too much will make me vulnerable. Well, I am a work in progress! But there’s never a time, where people are ever unclear about who I am. That is something I’d never let happen. I cherish who I am at all times and make sure people see it well enough to do so as well! 😀

But in this process I’ve seen people lose their identity. Not only are they making themselves seem common but they also rob everyone of the opportunity of meeting this type of human.

All I have is one question for you. Are you just “everybody”?

A big fat Maybe

Maybe.

That was my state of mind about writing this post. Dear education board: This is what happens when you suck the life out of every student with endless exams. But, I guess, I needed this break. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to write about. I actually had quite a lot of things I’d have liked to get out of my system and on to a paper. This was a more of a self induced writer’s block. I guess, I wanted to leave the whole “venting routine” out of my next post. 

One thing I know for sure is that every experience we have in life has something to do with who we are inside. The way we react to it depends on our character. I was always a polite person. (Yes, I realize how contradicting that maybe to my previous violent outbursts but, that’s only on paper guys! :D) As I was saying, I’m polite. As much as I love bringing people to their knees for not treating me right, I don’t get to that point of confrontation until it reaches that limit where it totally pisses me off. There’s this brief period of time where I put up with everything, with a smile on my face. 

This time that smile was more of a controlled frown. A lot of things irritate me but, what occupies the top of that list is people taking advantage of me. Especially people I don’t like. My recent unfortunate encounter was with this specific, annoying freeloader. Girl drama is the one thing in this world that can make me bolt, quite literally. Being the straight-forward person I am, the fake smiles and scheming bitchyness don’t come easily to me. But beware, I got the hang of it a while ago. 😉 The “maybe” here is that the girl reaches out to me at the weirdest of times and requests my company. Then it all goes to hell and she-devil unleashes her vanity. Maybe she just needs some help and the sad part is that I’m the only one who even understands that. 

Idiocy. That’s definitely number two on the list. Have you ever just went on ranting and gave this huge explanation to a complete dumbass who just sits there blinking? Let me tell you how that feels. It is the worst thing that can ever happen to you. 😐 That person may not even be dumb generally. Even a close friend who’s obnoxious to rational explanations can do the trick! Maybe it’s because I understand people that I expect them to return the favour. 

We all believe in something or someone. Be it God, religion, hope, love,  luck, a role model even, but there is always something. The belief in abstract things generally have a lower risk of infidelity. People on the other hand, that’s a whole new scenario. Fickle. fickle beings we are. In the blink of an eye the groom gets left at the altar, there’s a change in course in a love triangle, the people you believe in fail you. People you thought you knew turn out to be different sometimes. It maybe a bad thing or maybe just something you’re not okay with. 

This is a state of grace
This is the worthwhile fight
Love is a ruthless game
Unless you play it good and right
These are the hands of fate
You’re my Achilles heel
This is the golden age of something good and right and real
                                                                                              – Taylor Swift, State of Grace. 

Life is all about the maybe’s. The only certainty in life is its uncertainty. We have weaknesses that make every decision and opinion a blur. In my case, it’s the short temper and irritability which end up becoming the reasons for my rash actions. What do you think is your Achilles heel?