Him.

Words are all I had and he took them from me. It drove me insane, not knowing what to say; to just stare in awe and adoration. All of a sudden there was something I loved more than myself.

Him.

His smile.

His eyes.

His warmth.

Him.

I remember it all. How he looked into my eyes, like we were the only people in the world; the sound of his voice…his laugh. It’s the kinda laugh that reminds you of the good things in life. He didn’t just give my heart wings, he made me want to fly. Flying is not so scary when I know I’ve got him to catch me when I fall. 

© Abirami

Positively Pessimistic

Happiness is a tricky emotion. Some times all you need is a good hair day whereas some times it could be your birthday and not getting a particular call can wreck your world. You could have dreamed of something all your life, yearned for that one moment when you get to feel it in your grasp, waited for the day it is finally within your reach only to get tired of it minutes after you finally embrace it. Is it always just the thrill of the Chase? Then how do know if you want happiness just because you don’t have it yet? What happens once it’s yours? The pleasure lasts only so long as your attention span. The minute you think of something else, *Poof* it’s gone. I don’t know much about being happy. But, if you want to feel good, I’ve got plenty of reasons:

1. You’re still alive, right now, you exist. You get to experience every aspect of life regardless of if it is good or bad. It’s all equally epic if you open yourself up to it.

2.Internet

3.Internet

4.Internet

5.Seriously you have Internet you can do anything you want!

Cheer up! 😀 Have a great day. 🙂

A Run-In with Happiness

Today was different. It started at 5 AM this beautiful and very sleepy morn. I woke up sulking just like every other day and as I continued my life long battle with Physics. There I was flipping through those never-ending pages and I suddenly realized how much I loved it all. Yes, I did wonder if I’d finally lost it after all the sleep deprivation, but no, this was real. I was happy not the kind of happy that just blows over in a while, but happy, for real.

I have never been glad about being force fed every bit of math and science a 16 year old can take. In India we don’t have much liberty to choose our subjects at school. Physics, Chemistry and Math have been with me for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been good at school but I never really did any of it because I wanted to. My grades were just a necessity to get out of school to a college of my choice so that I could finally choose for myself what I wanted. And I imagined what I’d want would be free of all sciences or math of any kind.

I guess, I never realized how much I loved what I did because I had it all thrust upon me. For the first time in my life I was happy. Not because of the hope that things will get better soon but because things were already okay. And that happiness felt the happiest of all.

Aimless life.

Some days I don’t want to write. I don’t want to talk or be around anyone at all. There’s literally no particular thing I want to do, nothing but just be. An aimless life.. Ah.. It seems like “the dream”. Oh no, don’t you mistake this for depression! This is a beautiful feeling. It is one of those times when the mind is so easy to please. Maybe I’m not ecstatic but there’s no room for sadness either and that seems good enough. Some times there’s a little craving for music, other times not. Staring at the street from my window and observing the world is heartening in itself. Well, right now is one of those times for me.

If a day could begin without goals being set,

If it was all consequential: what you did and who you met,

If desire could be the cause behind every action

And there was no necessity for procrastination,

If you could care without cause

And love just because,

Oh if life were aimless . . .

© Abirami

A Walk Down the Memory Lane…

It is more annoying than ironic. You know, those times when you’re not supposed to be doing something, but everything else you do just reminds you of that thing? Those of you, who saw the sticky I left on my page, might know of my recent cut-back on blogging to work on quality posting. So, every song I listen to, literally everything that happens just gave me something new to write about. I held it in and decided to let my resolution last at least a week. The only thing in my head was, “what am I going to write about then?” As I endlessly pondered over that and scribbled down random ideas onto a post-it, I made up my mind to do myself some justice by actually writing on something, that I feel passionate over right now. At last, the “ah! I get to blog” moment has arrived!

Just a little over a week ago my senior year at school started, and it has not been good. I sit through the English classes where my teacher recites poems that I’d normally enjoy. This one in particular was practically laughing in my face!

 

Tell me not, in mournful numbers

 Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

And things are not what they seem.  

 H.W.Longfellow, A Psalm of Life.                                             

But now, I’m like, enough with the advice. It’s easier said than done. The only thing that even gives me any happiness is reminiscing about the good old days of my 11th grade. Writing is the one other thing that makes me happy so I decided to put it together and give myself a treat of sorts! 😀 High-school is where the adolescence reaches an age of maturity and well, semi-clarity in life. As for me, it was way more than just a year in high-school. Everything I learned, all the friends I made, the better tuned version of myself that I became, it is all that made it an unforgettable year. Being a teenager has its own perks. In all these years of growing up I’ve had some of the most epic ones at that!

All the days I spent laughing with my friends at the “supposedly cool” people who were so obviously lame, I still remember how my stomach hurt from all the laughing. The inside jokes with my bestie was my favorite part. The knowing laughs, all those hysterical days, I know I’ll always treasure them and then, those hormonal days. Now that I think of them all I can do is laugh at my own delusional self. Each day I spent living every Taylor Swift song ever made, I’ve got to say, they were admittedly exciting. 😀 The girl drama I didn’t enjoy but turned out to excel at as though it were some inborn trait, the friendly feuds, the gangs and oh my teachers! The recollection has just got me so emotional right now.

Ashtrays and heartbreaks

I lost some, let’s toast to one

so raise a glass to the memories

set ‘em free and fill up all those ashtrays,

fill up all those ashtrays.

–  Miley Cyrus, Ashtrays and Heartbreaks.

As exciting as the world sounds, it also seems quite scary. Not having my people around is going to be a lot of change, not being in school, I mean. When I realize that this is all just for another year, I just sit here with an empty feeling inside of me. As I go on filling up my ashtrays, there is this positive part of me that thinks maybe things will be different. Change can be good or bad. It all depends on how one looks at it. Maybe there are more than just “Big bad wolves” out there. Maybe I’ll have a decent life for myself. Ah, the maybes, so much room to dream, dream of a passionate and exciting life. Whatever has to happen, will happen. For now, I’m just going to plug my headphones on, and travel the road less traveled.

I don’t intend to play it safe

I’ve gotta move to find my place

I wasn’t born for small talk crowds

I know what I want and it’s not in this town

I don’t wanna just survive

I’m gonna hit the road,

I’m gonna drive

I’ve hit the highway

And I’m not coming home,

I’m gonna drive

– Vanessa Hudgens, Drive.

Happiness is a choice.

What makes you happy?

To me, that’s a simple question with several answers.

A cold breeze, nice weather, Zindagi Na milengi dobara (movie), vacation, kids, perfect songs in a row on shuffle, a fun holiday, any holiday, hanging with my people at school, a free period, a cute boy in the vicinity, being able to make someone else happy, a friend’s success, a nap on mom’s lap, fighting with a brother, spending time with my best friend, inside jokes, a new TBBT episode, watching Damon Salvatore on screen, a new Marvel movie, shopping, a good hair day, an A+ on a test, the lunch bell, a software update for my phone, poetry mood… and this goes on and on!

When a tiny little bump in the road is capable of bringing you down on a good day, then I think you should also allow the faintest glimmer light up your life in times of devastating darkness. It is only fair that you give happiness a chance too. There’s this thing my friend once said,

Life has many ways to bring you down, but remember the three things that will keep you strong: breakfast, lunch and dinner! 😀

Being a simple person does have its perks, doesn’t it? The world is a beautiful place when even the little things are capable of giving you happiness. This essentially is what I love about myself. I’m a happy person. My life is difficult just like the rest of you, sometimes even more difficult than you’d know, but I know how to keep myself going with a smile plastered on my face. The human mind is a fickle, fickle entity like I always say! Learning how to take advantage of our elusive state of mind might as well be your greatest talent. Fool that innocent heart of yours, distract it, even the hardest times in life will be easier to deal with. It’s ironic when I realize that these distractions from life become a huge part of life itself.

Running from our troubles don’t make them go away but drowning in them doesn’t make it easier either. Dealing with our problems and obsessing over the bad things that have happened are two different things. Take in the good things that happen to you no matter what is going on in the background. The little things in life are always the perfect relief to the bigger flaws and besides, missing out on your happiness just because you have a reason to be sad seems kind of idiotic. Forget all of life’s misery and take a deep breath for a second, look around. Even in the gutter, there shines a ray of light.

When you are down, take a walk, a long one perhaps. If your neighbour’s annoying dog wants to play fetch, give it a go! Laugh! when the silly kid next doors desperate attempts on stand up comedy. If the skies decide to rain on you, then let it drench you and wash your troubles away. Give the world a chance!

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light 

– Albus Dumbledore.

So all I’m trying to say is, quit fumbling in the dark and turn on the lights people! 🙂

Guilty pleasures

A “guilty pleasure” by definition itself is something that you are guilty of getting pleasure from. Therefore, ultimately it’s always something that’s bad for you. What if the whole logical reasoning is the other way around? To me it’s just the reverse psychology going ballistic on my head. I like things just ’cause they’re bad for me. As ridiculous as that sounds, I know for a fact that many of you can relate to this. Maybe it’s the challenge that draws us rebels to these things that are supposedly bad for us. 

Chick flicks, a bag of potato chips, a one direction song, sexist comedy, popping the bubble wrap before dad seals the package he’s to mail, stolen chocolate, I could go on and on… My list of guilty pleasures is simply endless and so very private as well. 😛

I have a question for you,

What kind of a life do you live?

By that question I mean: 

  • Are you happy content? 
  • Is it the life you want to live?

If I’m asked such a question, I’d most definitely have to say, “NO”. I love my life, I do. I’m very happy and so many amazing things have happened to me. I’d even say that I’m one of those lucky few who’ve been gifted with a rewarding life. Loving, living parents; amazing friends; the greatest bestie in the world; the awesomest brother of all time; a reputation people would kill for – all in all, I can’t really complain. Being a person so many people wanna be isn’t all that bad for me, but I can’t really say this is the life I “WANT”. 

I’d like to live a life where I wake up every morning just because I want to and feel the sunshine on my cheeks; a morning routine with a hearty breakfast and friendly conversations; to be able to just sit by the window with a hot cup of cocoa or have the time to simply stand and stare; to read because I enjoy the entire ride where my life and the storyline of the book just merge; to write just so I can pour down my feelings; to say things only when I mean them; to use words just because I like them; to dress up to satisfy no one but myself; to just lose myself in the beat of the drum and every note of the guitar in every rock song ever made; to feel only what I want to and not everything the world tries to shove down my throat; Say, “yes” only when I really want to; to just be myself every minute of the day no matter who i please or don’t. An indiscriminate life is my number one guilty pleasure.

What’s yours?