Keepin it Real!

“Be nice”, they said. “Always be nice.” As important as it is to say nice things often, it’s also necessary that you remember to say things only when you mean them. I learned it the hard way. But, I guess, the hard way is always the appropriate way. Your little, harmless exaggerations could very well make someone’s day. Put a nice smile on their face. Making people smile… isn’t that nice? That satisfaction. Man. Just awesome. Gets you real high. But those things you say, start losing their value. If you go around telling everybody you meet that you love them, then when the time comes when you actually feel like you really; just really LOVE them; that phrase won’t mean a thing. You’d have to invent a whole new phrase to show them what you mean, and that’s a total drag. You don’t have to be an I-love-you-prude. Just say it when you mean it.

It’s the same case with letting people into your mind. When you’re the kind of person who tells just about anyone your deepest secrets, then it doesn’t matter who you confide in. Save the good stuff for the right people. I’m sure you all have them. Those right people. 

If you’d do anything for anyone, then what sets apart your people from everyone else? Yeah, sure, you’d know. But who cares what you know? Unless there comes a day when you can feed your thoughts into a computer and actually show it to those people, you have no definitive way of letting them know what they mean to you.

Certain things in life make sense only when you’re going through it yourself. To me, this is one of those things. And when you talk about these things you can’t really be sure you’re making sense. Yes, it’s kind of a bummer. So, I’m just going to go with my gut. Have a good day everybody. And hopefully you’re keepin it real! 🙂

Who I wanna be.

When we’re down, every little flaw around us is obvious. Even a tiny bump in the road can seem like a matter of concern. I get so pissed sometimes.. for absolutely nothing. Must be all the studying I’m having to do lately. All the time away from my people. I get murderous every time my Giraffe of a benchmate hides my view of the cute guy or when one of my naturally annoying teachers decide to be a little more annoying. As I drown in that ocean of contempt for literally “every fucking thing”, comes along math class to resuscitate me.

No, I was never a huge fan of Math. Didn’t like it, didn’t hate it. This year, however, it’s different and THAT I’m grateful for. I’ve met a lot of people in my life. Interesting, good, bad, lame, moral, and on goes the list. But, never have I ever met someone like my Math teacher. He is hands down the best Math teacher there ever will be and also happens to be an even more exceptional person. Exceptional enough to have me waiting for Math class every day.

We see flawless people on TV everyday. I do, I mean, I’m a Sherlockian! But this is my first encounter with such flawlessness in reality. I can’t even begin to understand how someone with accomplishments this huge, could be so kind, down to earth. In a world where children are considered to be hilariously inferior to adults, this man treats us like we matter. Perhaps it’s all of his well earned respect, that makes it seem like impressing him with our potential will be one of our greatest achievements. We don’t know much about his personal life, or his life out of school itself to begin with. The thing is, I don’t think anyone cares! He is our Math teacher and how he is with us is all that matters.

All my life I had the idea that image was everything. Knowing how to handle people and getting them to think, what I’d like them to think of me was my life’s goal because I come from a generation where everyone admire good looking people with a sharp tongue and “cool stuff”. I see the vanity in all that now.

Character is everything. When no one who knows you would want to change a thing about you, THAT’s respect and THAT is the respect I hope to earn someday. If a person can make even MATH seem interesting, then THAT is the kind of people’s skill I’d like for myself. If I am ever known as somebody, someone like him is who I wanna be. What about you?

YOURS TRULY

                          Aaaaand I’m back! B) Man I’ve always wanted to do that! So, um, anyway, I know its been pretty long since i wrote. So to the people out there: If you guys actually read my blog I apologize for this whole spacing out. Its been a long time since I last wrote down what i felt. I guess I chose to right now because I kinda have a French final tomorrow and well procrastination is the writer’s delight, is it not? I’ve been up to a lot of stuff lately. Lots of changes. LOTS of new people, lots of new relationships. And yes, imminently lots of new things to get myself down about. But no, that doesn’t exactly have to be a bad thing. ‘Cause I believe that there’s no point in figuring out if your life is happy or sad. What’s more important is knowing your life is exciting and eventful rather than well, boring.

                        The new experiences from the new people have taught me a lot of things and have also made me admit to myself and the world several things that I never would before. Self-actualization…It’s the dream, right? As always I’m still in awe with life. The heartbreaks and disappointments do keep coming but my excitement isn’t dead yet. People keep saying that I’m innocent and maybe that’s why I’m happy with life despite what it throws at me. Maybe some day I’ll be cynical and jaded like ’em too. But for now all I see around me is a beautiful world with so many many opportunities to seek and a lifetime to experience. 

                           I think it’s time for a confession now. I probably didn’t write because wordpress has been a bit screwed up lately. For about two months none of my blogs got published and I got no response. I lost a great deal of confidence. As ashamed as I am to admit this, its time I did. I’ve insecurities too. I know, it’s no big deal ’cause everyone has insecurities. I just happen to be one of those people who don’t quite like admitting stuff. 😀

                         These three months I’ve been so busy worrying about the “Lameness” of my blog that I forgot about the reason I started writing in the first place. I wrote ’cause I loved it. This was, and still happens to be my most favorite thing to do with my time. I’m at ease when i write, I feel completely safe and in control of what is happening. Besides, I like how I feel when I write because everything is so picture perfect. We all know just how much I LOVE sounding like a smartass. 😉 I just to remind myself of all these things to shed the insecurities and write again. I hear ya! It did take quite long for me to realize all this. Nevertheless I am here now. And, what’s a writer without insecurities and other weirder emotional problems. 😀

                          Just because I haven’t been writing doesn’t mean my brain was on hold the past three months. oh, no. It’s been buzzing harder than ever. I constantly drift into these extremely long trains of thought. I’ve been questioning the origin of the universe and all the other fun stuff. Right now I’ve gotta say there is just one thing that’s on my mind pretty much all the time. College. I’m almost done with my 11th grade now. It’s just one more year then I’m off to college. It’s a new world out there and I don’t have a clue about it. That’s pretty hard for me because I’m the kinda person who never sets foot into anything without a whole pile of clues. 

                             The whole idea of having to start over. Again just frightens me. I’ve had to change many schools. It was only from my sixth grade my life was stable. So, now when I think that I’ve to go through that again in probably a different city it just leaves this huge knot my stomach. There are just so many questions in my head that it’s a wonder I don’t have ears shaped like question marks yet. These friends I’ve made, they’re kind of hard to let go. I get attached pretty quickly and 6 years is a long time. I know they’re irreplaceable. I just want people who can be at least nearly as awesome as them. 

                         Also, most importantly college is like the beginning of adulthood around here. More the freedom, more the vulnerability. I can see so so far ahead. I’ll have a job after college. Then it’ll be just me leading my own life. It’s all just so breathtaking. I’m just grateful for this feeling inside of me. As people say, “my innocence” that has me excited about everything. The only thing I have to say to anyone going through what I am would be to stay innocent. “Cause it’s a great feeling. Sometimes all you need to face the scariest of changes is that gut feeling that everything is going to be okay anyway. 

That’s all for now. Adios people. Or, is it Au revoir? 😀