Aaaaand I’m back! B) Man I’ve always wanted to do that! So, um, anyway, I know its been pretty long since i wrote. So to the people out there: If you guys actually read my blog I apologize for this whole spacing out. Its been a long time since I last wrote down what i felt. I guess I chose to right now because I kinda have a French final tomorrow and well procrastination is the writer’s delight, is it not? I’ve been up to a lot of stuff lately. Lots of changes. LOTS of new people, lots of new relationships. And yes, imminently lots of new things to get myself down about. But no, that doesn’t exactly have to be a bad thing. ‘Cause I believe that there’s no point in figuring out if your life is happy or sad. What’s more important is knowing your life is exciting and eventful rather than well, boring.
The new experiences from the new people have taught me a lot of things and have also made me admit to myself and the world several things that I never would before. Self-actualization…It’s the dream, right? As always I’m still in awe with life. The heartbreaks and disappointments do keep coming but my excitement isn’t dead yet. People keep saying that I’m innocent and maybe that’s why I’m happy with life despite what it throws at me. Maybe some day I’ll be cynical and jaded like ’em too. But for now all I see around me is a beautiful world with so many many opportunities to seek and a lifetime to experience.
I think it’s time for a confession now. I probably didn’t write because wordpress has been a bit screwed up lately. For about two months none of my blogs got published and I got no response. I lost a great deal of confidence. As ashamed as I am to admit this, its time I did. I’ve insecurities too. I know, it’s no big deal ’cause everyone has insecurities. I just happen to be one of those people who don’t quite like admitting stuff. 😀
These three months I’ve been so busy worrying about the “Lameness” of my blog that I forgot about the reason I started writing in the first place. I wrote ’cause I loved it. This was, and still happens to be my most favorite thing to do with my time. I’m at ease when i write, I feel completely safe and in control of what is happening. Besides, I like how I feel when I write because everything is so picture perfect. We all know just how much I LOVE sounding like a smartass. 😉 I just to remind myself of all these things to shed the insecurities and write again. I hear ya! It did take quite long for me to realize all this. Nevertheless I am here now. And, what’s a writer without insecurities and other weirder emotional problems. 😀
Just because I haven’t been writing doesn’t mean my brain was on hold the past three months. oh, no. It’s been buzzing harder than ever. I constantly drift into these extremely long trains of thought. I’ve been questioning the origin of the universe and all the other fun stuff. Right now I’ve gotta say there is just one thing that’s on my mind pretty much all the time. College. I’m almost done with my 11th grade now. It’s just one more year then I’m off to college. It’s a new world out there and I don’t have a clue about it. That’s pretty hard for me because I’m the kinda person who never sets foot into anything without a whole pile of clues.
The whole idea of having to start over. Again just frightens me. I’ve had to change many schools. It was only from my sixth grade my life was stable. So, now when I think that I’ve to go through that again in probably a different city it just leaves this huge knot my stomach. There are just so many questions in my head that it’s a wonder I don’t have ears shaped like question marks yet. These friends I’ve made, they’re kind of hard to let go. I get attached pretty quickly and 6 years is a long time. I know they’re irreplaceable. I just want people who can be at least nearly as awesome as them.
Also, most importantly college is like the beginning of adulthood around here. More the freedom, more the vulnerability. I can see so so far ahead. I’ll have a job after college. Then it’ll be just me leading my own life. It’s all just so breathtaking. I’m just grateful for this feeling inside of me. As people say, “my innocence” that has me excited about everything. The only thing I have to say to anyone going through what I am would be to stay innocent. “Cause it’s a great feeling. Sometimes all you need to face the scariest of changes is that gut feeling that everything is going to be okay anyway.
That’s all for now. Adios people. Or, is it Au revoir? 😀