The End of an Era.

The times have changed.
I know, that’s an over-rated thing to say: especially for me. In the last few months, I’ve been going on and on about how growing up has been all about tough choices, studying to get into college and facing the “world” whatever the hell that is, I’ve taken too long to notice that in a while I’m not going to be in school anymore…

*dramatic pause*

No more skank walks down the hall way with my so called “possy”, no more pranks on innocent bystanders, no more laughing for the dumbest jokes in class, no more having sarcastic things to say about everything and everyone, no more of these amazing people I’ve spent six years of my life with.. And that is going to suck. I know, like they all say, “we’ll stay in touch” but you know that’s not the same. I’ll not be rolling with this crowd anymore and that’s got me feeling nostalgic.

I don’t recollect ever making a huge deal about knowing them. It didn’t even matter. We were all just together for some reason whatsoever. I realize now, how much they truly mattered. How they’re the reason I am who I am. This place, it’s home. And that is where I know my heart will always be.

I feel like this is my practise good bye speech. Man, thinking of the goodbyes is sort of making my heart ache, quite literally. I’ve never liked goodbyes. But, something tells me these guys can come up with some sort of a interesting twist to just about anything. Oh well, here’s to another beautiful day of high-school or what’s left of it! 😀

Lost in an Abyss of Clichés.

There are these times when I just lose hope in mankind. It’s like no one is capable of any goodness anymore. When there’s just backstabbing and two-timing everywhere even in a sixteen year old’s world, how am I supposed to have any faith in what’s outside this world? How come no one cares about having something real? Did that endless horde of high-school movies just inspire the hell out of teenagers to be nothing but stereotypical and shallow?

Popularity. It’s like a different class of blood around here. The higher class that is. Maybe even the highest. Anyone is ready to do just about anything to stay popular. It has somehow escalated from faking looks to faking personalities and now to faking desires as well. It’s amusing when I notice how they even learn to convince themselves that they like something just because it’s cool to do so. Wow. These people couldve made great progress in effective mind control techniques. And don’t even get me started on the “cool” stuff. -_-

Innocence is a day dream lately. All those helpless people I wanted to protect for some messed up reason, even they turned, one by one. It’s like a disease. The popularity fever. It’s seem to have caught everyone. The one thing everybody needs even more than the air we breathe is what they call their “peeps” The meaning of friendship is hilariously lost. Now is the time when I have to work my ass off to make sure my life goes the right way. Just when I need people to rely on, all the backstabbing starts.

I was never really the overly emotional type. I know what you’re thinking. I’m only this expressive when I write. I was never all deep with the people around me. But I knew what I felt and where they stood in my world. Everyone had a special place. Everyone I held dear to my heart. And now, to see them like this, I still can’t help remembering their old self and forcing myself to tolerate them and then being insanely pissed. The icing on that cake of annoyance was all the bitching around. Being heartlessly betrayed by thay very people you put up with just for old times sake. I just told myself there’s no place for depth and friendship in this world. It’s all about image. Those “old times” are just the old times. Faulty memories that I can no longer make my judgement and calls based on.

People don’t change, they just become clearer versions of who they are, with time.

I know there will always be some people. Real people. The people I’m grateful for. The only people I really need. They were the only ones I really liked anyway. The others I just felt sorry for and still do. ‘Cause when I go bitching back at ’em, they won’t last a second. Nobility means squat to me. I’m more of a give people what they deserve type of person. All I’ve got to say is, Bring it on Bitches!

The Teenage girl theory

Things happen at the most unexpected times don’t you think? On a lazy day you find an old Friends episode you haven’t watched yet; what you think is going to be a lame post turns out to be a huge hit; a lame day turns interesting and of course those momentary epiphanies you have while waiting for a download to complete or the oven to finish thawing last night’s left-overs. At times I get the feeling that I can even prove the origin of the universe if my half-asleep state lasts longer every night! It is like the universe is screaming at you that things happen only when you don’t try really hard, don’t you think?

Working hard is important. Dedication is the highway to reaching your destiny and blah blah blah. But then, that isn’t really the case in every situation. Sometimes trying too hard just ruins everything. I guess you can call it bad juju! 😀 When there are cases where wanting something so bad accelerates the process based on the whole noetic science idea from The Lost Symbol, there are also times when trying to hard ultimately just ruins our chances. How is that you ask? I’ve got two words for you: Reverse Psychology.

In ways the human mind is like a teenage girl. It is more attracted to what is hard to get. Like how the jock who doesn’t care is more attractive than the nerd who actually cares. I feel quite puny when I realize that our psyche is just a replay of every High-school movie ever made. :/ Yet, we can’t really help it, can we? We never really give a chance to the ones who try too hard. We title them as desperate and just get on with rejecting their request or whatever the case. I wonder if it is because we form this idea that the reason they try so hard is because they don’t really have what it takes in the first place and the’re just trying to cover it up. Again, the teenage girl theory applies here too. We confuse sincerity to the desperate loser who lies through his teeth to get the girl. I see it, I do, We have a serious problem with differentiating these two cases.

Another reason where the “hard work” backfires is because it really is just bad juju. I don’t have another explanation for that! There have been many times in my life where I’ve wanted things really bad. Sometimes I get them, sometimes I dont. There’s this one case where since the time I really wanted it, I just NEVER got it! I am the kind of girl who absolutely loves school. I’ve had a bit of a nomadic childhood but since the 6th grade I’ve been in the same school which I have learned to love now. I made friends that I enjoy the company of in class every day. I settled down with my solid reputation and everything in the 9th grade. Ya know? Around here they split students into different classes based on whatever order they wish because we all take the same classes anyway until the 11th grade.

Until my 10th I never really needed to have anyone’s company in particular, but after a tremendous year of fun and joy with my perfect classmates I wanted that to continue. Is that so bad? In my 10th grade I simply wanted to have my friends in my class. Guess what I got? A big fat nothing! I went around looking for my name in every class’s notice board. Zilch! Nada! Nil! no name, nowhere, in any of the classes where my friends were. They sorted me into a class with the kind of people I could never get along with. Utterly shallow and stupid, those are the two things I can never tolerate, and that was the company I had for a year!

After getting through that with good grades (thankfully) I got into 11th and I was very excited. Especially because I now get to choose my subjects at least to some extent and I knew that all of my friends were going to be taking the same course too. I was so sure that things would go write this time.. but then, it didn’t. Once again they managed to split me into the hell-hole. This time though I wasn’t going to shut up. I used my “power of speech and persuasion” to get my principal to put me in a different class. Thank God for my super powers. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. Now its summer here and in a matter of days I’m going to be in my 12th grade. What happens now? Oh yes. New class. AGAIN! the worst part is that my one time validity for my super powers are over. 😦 Maybe this whole post is just me wanting to subconsciously vent about this.

Even so my observation or rather musing is that, apparently even God or whatever the holy power is up there also works on the basis of this Teenage girl theory. It’s no wonder God made man in his image. I guess they forgot to mention the similarities in the attitude in the bible. 😀