It is more annoying than ironic. You know, those times when you’re not supposed to be doing something, but everything else you do just reminds you of that thing? Those of you, who saw the sticky I left on my page, might know of my recent cut-back on blogging to work on quality posting. So, every song I listen to, literally everything that happens just gave me something new to write about. I held it in and decided to let my resolution last at least a week. The only thing in my head was, “what am I going to write about then?” As I endlessly pondered over that and scribbled down random ideas onto a post-it, I made up my mind to do myself some justice by actually writing on something, that I feel passionate over right now. At last, the “ah! I get to blog” moment has arrived!
Just a little over a week ago my senior year at school started, and it has not been good. I sit through the English classes where my teacher recites poems that I’d normally enjoy. This one in particular was practically laughing in my face!
Tell me not, in mournful numbers
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
– H.W.Longfellow, A Psalm of Life.
But now, I’m like, enough with the advice. It’s easier said than done. The only thing that even gives me any happiness is reminiscing about the good old days of my 11th grade. Writing is the one other thing that makes me happy so I decided to put it together and give myself a treat of sorts! 😀 High-school is where the adolescence reaches an age of maturity and well, semi-clarity in life. As for me, it was way more than just a year in high-school. Everything I learned, all the friends I made, the better tuned version of myself that I became, it is all that made it an unforgettable year. Being a teenager has its own perks. In all these years of growing up I’ve had some of the most epic ones at that!
All the days I spent laughing with my friends at the “supposedly cool” people who were so obviously lame, I still remember how my stomach hurt from all the laughing. The inside jokes with my bestie was my favorite part. The knowing laughs, all those hysterical days, I know I’ll always treasure them and then, those hormonal days. Now that I think of them all I can do is laugh at my own delusional self. Each day I spent living every Taylor Swift song ever made, I’ve got to say, they were admittedly exciting. 😀 The girl drama I didn’t enjoy but turned out to excel at as though it were some inborn trait, the friendly feuds, the gangs and oh my teachers! The recollection has just got me so emotional right now.
Ashtrays and heartbreaks
I lost some, let’s toast to one
so raise a glass to the memories
set ‘em free and fill up all those ashtrays,
fill up all those ashtrays.
– Miley Cyrus, Ashtrays and Heartbreaks.
As exciting as the world sounds, it also seems quite scary. Not having my people around is going to be a lot of change, not being in school, I mean. When I realize that this is all just for another year, I just sit here with an empty feeling inside of me. As I go on filling up my ashtrays, there is this positive part of me that thinks maybe things will be different. Change can be good or bad. It all depends on how one looks at it. Maybe there are more than just “Big bad wolves” out there. Maybe I’ll have a decent life for myself. Ah, the maybes, so much room to dream, dream of a passionate and exciting life. Whatever has to happen, will happen. For now, I’m just going to plug my headphones on, and travel the road less traveled.
I don’t intend to play it safe
I’ve gotta move to find my place
I wasn’t born for small talk crowds
I know what I want and it’s not in this town
I don’t wanna just survive
I’m gonna hit the road,
I’m gonna drive
I’ve hit the highway
And I’m not coming home,
I’m gonna drive
– Vanessa Hudgens, Drive.